Wednesday 21 April 2010

Victory for Admiral Gordon Horatio Brownblower at the Battles of Madrid and Santander

Part 13 of the Brownblower Napoleonic Wars series in which our hero, Admiral Gordon Horatio Brownblower courageously fights the good fight to impose the Napoleonic Code of EU law on the hated enemy, the Bourgoisie of Angleterre.

The weather was fine and the Easter holiday period had arrived. Those nasty bourgois petit-angleterreurs and their nasty, carbon producing children had got up to their usual vile tricks by taking part in holiday activities and enjoying themselves in many pleasure resorts across the world. This of course violates the revered EU directive subclause RU12 which compassionately forbids all middle and working class scum from flying anywhere. This is a subclause of the popular EU Directive UR12 which forbids, for the benefit of the wider community, any enjoyment, freedom or democracy in the Angleterre region.

High Panjandrum Lord Admiral Von Rompuy despatched an order via the Eurocontrol department to stop all aeroplanes from flying and then sent his best commander, Admiral Gordon Horatio Brownblower to lead a squadron of civil service departments to block any counter attack.

Many of the Bourgoisie resorted to a rarely used skill that Gordon's captains had tried to stiffle, namely their initiative. Reports from Brownblower's craven scouts, the BBC, confirmed that thousands of Bourgoisie were clubbing together to hire coaches to return home. Some were also hiring cars to take them the thousands of miles to Calais.

Gordon assembled his chosen band of captains to lead the attack, many were from the order of St Socialist-sycophant and others were holders of the Meddle (sic) of Foreign Office Marxism. They cleverly sent false rumours that fleets of rescue coaches would arrive at Madrid airport and that the bourgois would then be liberated via the port of Santander to scurry to their horrid little island of Angleterre.

The ingenious plan then unfolded as 1000's of unwitting Petit-Angleterreurs were lulled into Gordon's Madrid and Santander traps. Huge 5-mile long queues formed at checkout desks and quaysides as the wailing children, tired parents and exhausted pensioners fought for non-existent tickets home.

Gordon then unleashed his final coup by sending the Good ship HMS Albion to Santader and mockingly took on board a few chosen colalborators, leaving the thousands of Angleterre scum helpless on the quayside. The pincer movement was completed when news reached the British holiday makers that the relief coaches bound for Madrid didn't exist at all and were but another New Labour ploy.

There is talk in the imperial court of Brussels that Brownblower could be rewarded with a ceremonial election defeat followed by the inevitable, jammy appointment as High EU Commissioner for Killing of Joys at the Directorate for Interferance, Nannying and Suppression.

Footnote: (From Daedalus's Shambolic Book of Definitions)
Napoleonic Code - The body of law created by Napoeon Bonarpart which is the basis for EU law and the Lisbon Treaty. It differs from the scumbag Angleterre laws in that the Napoleonic Code only allows citizens to take part in an activity if it is on pre-defined list. The Napoleonic citizen can only do things with permission of the state. Anglo Saxon law is the inverse of this, it allows the free men and women of the land to take part in any activity, with the exception of those activities listed as crimes. Hence the state seeks permission from the subject to prevent an activity.

(with many abject apologies to C.S.Forester)


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