Want to start an illegal war?
Ya better phone Tone!
Need a Hacking-Gate exit strategy?
I'm your guy!
Want the Middle East peace process stymied?
Hey, get in touch with your friend Tone, the world's ONLY Middle East
Ambassador with negotiable rates.
Want clandestine support for your despotic North African or ex-Soviet regime?
I'm just one phone call away 24/7, hey while I'm at it I'll even throw in
some advice on how your son can fake his degree.
Tired of your Australian-born media mogul husband?
Hey, my cute butt's all yours lady!
Interested in some cottaging experiences in mens' rooms?
Hey, my cute butt's all yours baby!
I'm your one-stop shop for all your illegal needs.
Hey out there, ya gotta problem that's really bugging you? Well look NO further, cos this is your day of deliverance. I'm the guy that can fix it for you. Tone Blair for Life Repair. No problem is too small for me and my guys to fix. Hey, I'm so good they made me THE Middle East Ambassador, how many low grade lawyers can claim that eh?
Not only are you in the presence of a great guy but I'm one of THE highest paid hombres on the international jet-setting lecture circuits. Mahatma Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, hey I'm richer than all those guys put together and ya gotta admit it, I'm almost as saintly as them too, eh?
Did I tell ya how rich I am? Why, did you know that I started out with just ONE, yes ONE, home in North London, and look at me now! I've got a property portfolio richer than the budgets of most countries. Hey way to go.
So let me tell you more about Tone Blair and Associates. Me and the guys have got loadsa experience in stitching things and even people up, we got ideas even Einstein never thought up, and at the end of the day don't forget our contacts list, the richest fellas on this planet and the best spy agencies would do anything for a peek at my address book.
So let's meet some of my guys, here's Mad Al Campbell, he and his media thugs will disappear any inconvenient story or prominent figure that is bugging you. If ya want some palms oiled (if ya know what I mean!) then meeet Peter Mandelslime, he knows so many top guys in governments and pan-governmental bodies, he'll get any sweet deal done the quickest way for you, preferably on a millionaire's yacht somewhere. Hey! This guy's a Lord for chrissake, no kidding!
You want a problem fixed? Get it done right by Tone. Tone Blair for your life's repair.
Ciao for now.
Tone's Legal Casebook
Some satisfied clients of Tone Blair and Associates include:
George W. Bush
Wars started anywhere, anytime, fake intelligence provided, any objectors bought off or politically smeared. Sweet.
Gave this dude and his cartel unparallelled access to the UK markets.
Many Rich Guys
Peerages and honours dished out indiscriminately.
Provided this doll with an exit strategy from her Hacking-gate legal problems.
Muammur Gaddafi and son
The complete package, prevented this bad ass camel jockey from facing terrorism and muder charges over some Lockerbie bomb and the shooting of a female cop in London. Hey, this guy lived it up for 30 years without facing any problems. Dunno where he is now. I threw in some free advice to his son on how to fake a degree.
Wendy Deng (ex-wife of Rupert Murdoch)
British Labour Party
Hey, I delivered my deluxe service for this gang. Yours truly helped this outfit put one over on a bunch of schmuck losers called the British Taxpayers. Boy, did we screw these guys up big time, heh!
Syria's Assad, Egypt's Mubarak, that guy who runs Kazakhstan and strong leaders everywhere.
Look, these are lonely, misunderstood guys. These strong leaders, or "dictators" as those weaker than them mislabel them as, are only doing their best, for their families and their countries' wealth.
I feel for these guys, I understand their pain, their strong desires. Thankfully these leaders had the good sense to employ the services of none other than good ol' Tone. See my photo album below.
Tone's Photo Album