tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43144612463722374882024-02-19T03:36:52.883+00:00Daedalus X. ParrotSquawking for a fairer avianocracy for psittaciformes and avians of all plumages. <br>More bird seed in all our feed trays and death to all cats.Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-31630584035828473112014-02-22T16:36:00.002+00:002014-02-23T13:20:37.488+00:00Better phone Tone!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<br />
<b>Want to start an illegal war? </b><br />
Ya better phone Tone! <br />
<br />
<b>Need a Hacking-Gate exit strategy?</b><br />
<b> </b> I'm your guy!<br />
<br />
<b>Want the Middle East peace process stymied? </b><br />
Hey, get in touch with your friend Tone, the world's ONLY Middle East<br />
Ambassador with negotiable rates.<br />
<br />
<b>Want clandestine support for your despotic North African or ex-Soviet regime? </b><br />
I'm just one phone call away 24/7, hey while I'm at it I'll even throw in<br />
some advice on how your son can fake his degree. <br />
<br />
<b>Tired of your Australian-born media mogul husband?</b><br />
Hey, my cute butt's all yours lady!<br />
<br />
<b>Interested in some cottaging experiences in mens' rooms?</b><br />
Hey, my cute butt's all yours baby!<br />
<br />
I'm your one-stop shop for all your illegal needs.<br />
<br />
______________________________________________________________________<br />
<br />
Hey out there, ya gotta problem that's really bugging you? Well look NO further, cos this is your day of deliverance. I'm the guy that can fix it for you. Tone Blair for Life Repair. No problem is too small for me and my guys to fix. Hey, I'm so good they made me THE Middle East Ambassador, how many low grade lawyers can claim that eh?<br />
<br />
Not only are you in the presence of a great guy but I'm one of THE highest paid hombres on the international jet-setting lecture circuits. Mahatma Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, hey I'm richer than all those guys put together and ya gotta admit it, I'm almost as saintly as them too, eh?<br />
<br />
Did I tell ya how rich I am? Why, did you know that I started out with just ONE, yes ONE, home in North London, and look at me now! I've got a property portfolio richer than the budgets of most countries. Hey way to go.<br />
<br />
So let me tell you more about Tone Blair and Associates. Me and the guys have got loadsa experience in stitching things and even people up, we got ideas even Einstein never thought up, and at the end of the day don't forget our contacts list, the richest fellas on this planet and the best spy agencies would do anything for a peek at my address book.<br />
<br />
So let's meet some of my guys, here's Mad Al Campbell, he and his media thugs will disappear any inconvenient story or prominent figure that is bugging you. If ya want some palms oiled (if ya know what I mean!) then meeet Peter Mandelslime, he knows so many top guys in governments and pan-governmental bodies, he'll get any sweet deal done the quickest way for you, preferably on a millionaire's yacht somewhere. Hey! This guy's a Lord for chrissake, no kidding!<br />
<br />
You want a problem fixed? Get it done right by Tone. Tone Blair for your life's repair.<br />
<br />
Ciao for now.<br />
<br />
<br />
<u><b>Tone's Legal Casebook</b></u><br />
<br />
Some satisfied clients of Tone Blair and Associates include:<br />
<br />
<b>George W. Bush</b> <br />
Wars started anywhere, anytime, fake intelligence provided, any objectors bought off or politically smeared. Sweet. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/news/blair-allies-deny-dupe-charge/" target="_blank">blair-allies-deny-dupe-charge</a><br />
<br />
<b>Rupert Murdoch</b><br />
Gave this dude and his cartel unparallelled access to the UK markets.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2011/sep/05/tony-blair-murdoch-family-fold" target="_blank">tony-blair-murdoch-family-fold</a><br />
<br />
<b>Many Rich Guys</b> <br />
Peerages and honours dished out indiscriminately.<br />
<br />
<b>Rebekah Brooks</b> <br />
Provided this doll with an exit strategy from her Hacking-gate legal problems.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/phone-hacking-trial-tony-blair-3161799" target="_blank">phone-hacking-trial-tony-blair-3161799</a><br />
<br />
<b>Muammur Gaddafi and son</b> <br />
The complete package, prevented this bad ass camel jockey from facing terrorism and muder charges over some Lockerbie bomb and the shooting of a female cop in London. Hey, this guy lived it up for 30 years without facing any problems. Dunno where he is now. I threw in some free advice to his son on how to fake a degree.<br />
<br /> <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/tony-blair/10220684/Tony-Blair-helped-Colonel-Gaddafi-in-1bn-legal-row.html" target="_blank">Tony-Blair-helped-Colonel-Gaddafi-in-1bn-legal-row.html</a><br />
<br /> <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/tony-blair/8787074/Tony-Blairs-six-secret-visits-to-Col-Gaddafi.html" target="_blank">Tony-Blairs-six-secret-visits-to-Col-Gaddafi.html</a><br /><br /> <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/universityeducation/8926790/Blairs-government-tried-to-get-Oxford-place-for-Saif-Gaddafi.html" target="_blank">Blairs-government-tried-to-get-Oxford-place-for-Saif-Gaddafi.html</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1372520/Gaddafi-sons-given-help-dodgy-PhD-Britains-ambassador-US.html" target="_blank">Gaddafi-sons-given-help-dodgy-PhD</a><br />
<br />
<b>Wendy Deng </b>(ex-wife of Rupert Murdoch)<br />
Don't ask!<br />
<br />
<b>British Labour Party</b> <br />
Hey, I delivered my deluxe service for this gang. Yours truly helped this outfit put one over on a bunch of schmuck losers called the British Taxpayers. Boy, did we screw these guys up big time, heh!<br />
<br />
<b>Syria's Assad, Egypt's</b><b><b> Mubarak, </b>that guy who runs Kazakhstan</b> and strong leaders everywhere.<br />
Look, these are lonely, misunderstood guys. These strong leaders, or "dictators" as those weaker than them mislabel them as, are only doing their best, for their families and their countries' wealth.<br />
<br />
I feel for these guys, I understand their pain, their strong desires. Thankfully these leaders had the good sense to employ the services of none other than good ol' Tone. See my photo album below.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.dailystar.com.lb/News/Middle-East/2012/Jul-01/178928-britain-considered-knighthood-for-syrias-assad-in-2002-report.ashx#axzz2dMnHxRc3" target="_blank">Britain-considered-knighthood-for-syrias-assad-in-2002-report</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-108230/Blair-accused-familys-free-Egyptian-holiday.html" target="_blank">Blair-accused-familys-free-Egyptian-holiday</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.theguardian.com/world/2011/feb/02/tony-blair-mubarak-courageous-force-for-good-egypt" target="_blank">Tony-blair-mubarak-is-courageous-force-for-good-egypt</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/tony-blair/8857689/Oil-rich-dictator-of-Kazakhstan-recruits-Tony-Blair-to-help-win-Nobel-peace-prize.html" target="_blank">Oil-rich-dictator-of-Kazakhstan-recruits-Tony-Blair-to-help-win-Nobel-peace-prize</a> <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<u><b>Tone's Photo Album</b></u><br />
<br />
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Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-78732912328522410722013-05-21T23:10:00.000+01:002013-05-21T23:10:52.960+01:00Cameron Letter: Dear Nation, You’re all loons and we’re so cool<div class="headline_area">
<abbr class="published" title="2013-05-21"></abbr>
</div>
<img alt="Post image for Cameron Letter: Dear Nation, You’re all loons and we’re so cool" class="post_image alignleft frame" height="274" src="http://www.annaraccoon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/CameronLaughing_02.jpg" width="285" />
<br />
<br />
LETTER FROM THE PRIME MINISTER, THE RT.HON.DAVID CAMERON, TO THE NATION<br />
<br />
<br />
Dear Swivel eyed loons, closet racists, fruitcakes, bigots, homophobes, NIMBYs, BANANAs, NUMBPYDs * and other taxpayers,<br />
<br />
As you all realise, my carefully selected metrosexual inner circle
of school chums and tennis partners and I are absolutely right in everything we do and we feel intensely
relaxed about our decision to roll out an ambitious, nationwide
programme of name-calling and offence-giving.<br />
<br />
As I have said before, “We are all in this together”. What this
actually means is quite simple. On the one hand you unposh and poor
people are “in this”, meaning in a big pile of doo doo and consequently
have to suffer the pain of higher taxes, pay freezes, failing pensions,
job losses, higher living costs, mass immigration and failing public
services.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, we of the gilded classes in the
Political/Intergovernmental/Media/Public Services sectors (PIMPS) will continue to
get pay increases, lavish expenses, generous pensions, job security
and/or guarantee of reemployment. We of course are the “together” part
of that phrase by which of course I mean that we are together in our
enjoyment of these advantages that you idiot taxpayers provide for us.<br />
<br />
But, of course, this is insufficient for our modern 21st century
politics, so we have decided to add to your pain by insulting most of
you, especially those who actually contribute to society.<br />
<br />
Our nudge-units and policy wonks have used all of the expensive,
specialised training that they received at public school or from their
Marxist lecturers on their Politics, Philosophy and Economics courses to construct and deliver an
impressive series of insults to you all.<br />
<br />
We are hurling verbal insults at you, insulting your sensibilities by
imposing eye-wateringly mad policies and insulting your intelligence by
everything we do and say.<br />
<br />
This is the right thing to do and I am confident that you will remember this and thank us at the next election.<br />
<br />
<br />
Yours sincerely,<br />
<br />
<br />
David Cameron<br />
<br />
<br />
* NIMBY = Not in My Back Yard<br /> BANANA = Build Absolutely Nothing Anywhere Near Anything<br />
NUMBPYD = Not Up My Back Passage You Don’t<br />
<br />
Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-41987333213389945382013-04-15T09:22:00.000+01:002013-04-15T09:22:36.193+01:00Towering Intellects from BBC and LSE Involved in Brawl<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<b>"We demand our right to use human shields", say BBC brains while LSE geniuses demand right to censor journalists.<br />
</b><br />
<br />
A flurry of claims and counter claims filled the airwaves yesterday as the super-human intelligences from the BBC and the London School of Economics clashed over their respective human or inhuman rights.<br />
<br />
"Listen, you puny humans" said an intellect at the BBC's Broadcasting House, "you just don't get it. We superior beings demand our alienable right to use anyone as a human shield while we film friendly documentaries about noble North Korean leaders. Any effort to deny us this fundamental right is tantamount to Thatcherite racism, you fascist pig-dog lackeys."<br />
<br />
The L.S.E.'s spokes-brain whose I.Q. is 274, gave a press conference from its large cylidrical glass jar and told reporters how this irresponsible act threatened their left-wing hegemony and that it was THEIR job to befriend the left-wing brutal dictators of the world. The spokes-brain went on to say "The world knows that it is our mission to befriend world dictators like Gadaffi and award their sons fake degrees. The BBC should butt out and, furthermore, all you puny human journalists should bow down before us and only publish stories we like."<br />
<br />
The BBC is a world renowned news bending organisation and recently gave itself an award for its fearless, in-depth coverage of how Margaret Thatcher wasn't a sports fanatic.<br />
<br />
Brian Leveson said "I don't care if a left-leaning news organisation puts students' lives at risk, the most important thing is that the Murdoch press must never publish stories that hurt Hugh Grant's feelings. It is what lives were sacrificed for in two world wars."<br />
<br />
<b>Sources:</b><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/news/media/tv-radio/panorama-was-worth-risking-lives-for-says-bbc-chief-programme-by-john-sweeney-based-on-secret-footage-taken-on-university-field-trip-to-north-korea-8572219.html">"We're always right and must be allowed to risk lives" say BBC - (Independent)</a><br />
<a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2013/apr/14/bbc-north-korea-panorama-film">"No! We're always right and we must censor the news" say LSE - (Guardian)</a><br />
<a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/22085707">Shocking exclusive: BBC paid journalist to say Thatcher not terribly keen on sport - (BBC)</a><br />
<a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/news/education/education-news/verdict-on-gaddafi-exposes-roles-of-blair-lse-and-oxford-6270240.html">LSE awarded dubious degree to Gadaffi's son, Blair gave him tuition - (Independent)</a><br />
<a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2068642/Saif-Gaddafi-LSE-1-5million-bribe-money.html">LSE receives £1.5 million from Gadaffi - (Daily Mail)</a> <br />
<br />Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-52207984559616114422013-03-29T15:14:00.000+00:002013-03-29T15:18:44.484+00:00"You're all a bunch of b*******" rants hate preacher Abu Denis Healey as all politicians vow to deport him<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXQ1wHprheCS8ckzx0PAymw32Z2hPT0MyvvQeNX3UHGdMu0f5BpLtk5YqVdBmLfJCAQlW3nGQTS-VfIo6d6MkkbEArJzyeFqwtHDeHjg4A0ueKQkssuf2GS741nCty05LoV2SO0Pi8CNE/s1600/denishealey_v02.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXQ1wHprheCS8ckzx0PAymw32Z2hPT0MyvvQeNX3UHGdMu0f5BpLtk5YqVdBmLfJCAQlW3nGQTS-VfIo6d6MkkbEArJzyeFqwtHDeHjg4A0ueKQkssuf2GS741nCty05LoV2SO0Pi8CNE/s320/denishealey_v02.jpg" /></a>
<br>Abu Mustaffa-Tax Denis Healey, the infamous hate preacher was universally condemned last night by leaders of all sensible parties. 95 year old Abu Denis Healey has been <a href="http://www.newstatesman.com/politics/uk-politics/2013/03/thatcher-was-good-looking-and-brilliant">accused of delivering foul tirades</a> against poor Ed Miliband and, even worse, of stating how he fancied making Margaret Thatcher one of his wives.
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<br>David Cameron, leader of the Lib-Lab-Con party, made a key speech in parliament yesterday promising unequivocally to have Abu Denis Healey deported, if possible, maybe next week. He went on "I feel very strongly as a passionate liberal that this sort of language is quite uncalled for in our modern 21st century, passionately liberal and proudly wishy-washy, metrosexual Britain. People with independent opinions like that make us all feel quite sick. It has to stop and it has to stop now!"
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<br>Cleggie simpered "I feel quite hurt he didn't insult me, I think I'll go and open another baby care centre in Bromsgrove.". Nigel Farage, UKIP leader said "Denis is bang out of order with this uncontrolled ranting, that's my job. Who's gonna watch my Youtube speeches now!"
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<br>Cameron went on to say "I give you a cast iron promise that this enemy of liberty will be summarily put under house arrest without due legal process, he will be harassed and snooped on by hundreds of staff from the security services without any court order and he will be arrested on spurious charges that won't hold for 5 minutes. This gives a clear message to freedom haters like this everywhere that we are proud to protect of our liberal values of selective fairness and justice."
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<br>Abu Denis Healey's main victim, the hapless Ed Miliband who was once a winner of the Mr Wimpiverse contest and appeared in nasal hair spray and Mr Sheen polish adverts before becoming an unrecognised politician, said "This kind of spittle-ridden, left-wing tub thumping is out of character for our party, his vile words shame the good memories of wise and eloquent orators such as George Galloway, Ed Balls, Denis Skinner and John Prescott."
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<br><b><u>Debt Bomb Terrorism</b></u>
<br>Abu Denis Healey is reputed to have been <a href="http://www.annaraccoon.com/politics/where-are-they-now-no-274-osama-brown-gordon/">Osama brown-Gordon's</a> predecessor as the holder of finances for the notorious terrorist death cult, N'hu l'abour. Victims of his terrorist atrocities in the 1970s recall with horror how he <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8569889.stm">made their "pips squeak"</a>.
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<br>In a famous televised speech made by Abu Denis Healey in the 1970s, he claimed to have ended boom and bust, sorry, he claimed the pound in his pocket wasn't worth a fly's fart or something like that. Anyway, what followed showed an uncanny similarity to Osama brown-Gordon's infamous terrorist debt bombs that were indiscriminately unleashed on Britain in the 2000s.
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<br>One of Denis Healey's greatest terror acts was his <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/1999/mar/03/budget1999.budget26">budget of 1974 that saw the destruction of 83%</a> of people's earnings. Over the next years the accumulated destruction from Dennis Healey's inflationary explosions was so great that the International Monetary Fund had to send in rescue forces to bale out a humiliated Britain in 1976. And this of course later led on to the Winter of Discontent in 1979.
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<br><b><u>Zimmer-framists Threat</b></u>
<br>Abu Denis Healey is also considered by many to be Osama brown-Gordon's ambassador to the secretive zimmer-framist communities in Britain. Some fear that the segregationist attitudes of the zimmer-framed causes friction in society.
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<br>Many selfless staff in the public sector fight tirelessly to protect us from the untold harm that the zimmer-framists could unleash on us. Hard-working professionals in the NHS bravely kill zimmer-framists off in the thousands by ignoring them in hospital and refusing to give them food and water. These noble goldplated-pensioned NHS managers also devise ingenious weapons of mass destruction such as the Liverpool Care Pathway to obliterate their enemies.
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<br>Other brave workers from the civil service and from the green political arena, and it has to be said greatly enhanced by Miliband's loony Climate Change Act, have cunningly increased the price of energy by so much green taxes during these record-breaking cold spells that thousands more of the zimmer-framists are being killed off because of energy poverty.
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<br>Living in his multi-million pound terrorist training ranch in Sussex, paid for by taxpayers from his dubious MP benefits, Abu Denis Healey can often be seen in his front garden shaking his walking stick at passers by and spouting foam-flecked abuse at innocent politicians of all three genders.
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<br> <b>References</b>
<br> <a href="http://www.newstatesman.com/politics/uk-politics/2013/03/thatcher-was-good-looking-and-brilliant">New Statesman - Denis Healey - UKIP Bastards, Miliband no charisma, Maggie is hot stuff</a>
<br> <a href="http://www.annaraccoon.com/politics/where-are-they-now-no-274-osama-brown-gordon/">Anna Raccoon blog - Where are they now: Osama brown-Gordon</a>
<br> <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8569889.stm">BBC - Denis Healey making their "pips squeak"</a>
<br> <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/1999/mar/03/budget1999.budget26">Guardian - Budgets including 1974's 83% tax rate</a>
Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-47983470435831177982013-03-25T11:41:00.000+00:002013-03-25T11:41:10.217+00:00"YOU'RE A NASTY PIECE OF WORK, AREN'T YOU?" - THE LOST EDDIE MAIR INTERVIEWS.<br>It is an unexplained mystery that many hard-hitting interviews by Eddie Mair with left of centre politicians have disappeared from the unbiased BBC's archives.
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<br>After much painstaking archeological research, a few fragments of these interviews have been recovered. We proudly present them here in order to give credence to the myth, sorry fact, that BBC journalists are not vindictive, left-leaning lackies.<br>
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<br><br>
<br><b>THE LOST EDDIE MAIR INTERVIEWS: ZILLIONAIRE TONY BLAIR</b>
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<br>EDDIE MAIR:
<br>You were the first serving Prime Minister to be interviewed by the police. Not once, but three times.
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<br>Under your premiership, your administration was rocked by unprecedented scandals over cash-for-honours and MP expense frauds.
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<br>You were accused by one of your researchers, Andrew Neather, of actively implementing the policy of mass immigration whilst publicly denying it at the time. This has been said to have created overcrowding in schools and hospitals, unaffordable, huge house prices and the cause of much friction within society.
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<br>You actively promoted the case for the Iraq war based on known lies and half truths. Some say that without your active support and the carefully crafted propaganda that you, Alistair Campbell and John Scarlett (later promoted) created, the Iraq war would not have been waged and a peace settlement could have been made.
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<br>You have made vast fortunes from the American lecture circuits and from directorships of US banks, all thanks to your war crimes. This blood money has helped you and your acquisitive, shop-lifting, fare-dodging, over-lenient magistrate of a wife amass a huge multi-million pound property portfolio.
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<br>Do you sleep at night knowing that you are responsible for hundreds of thousands of unnecessary deaths that are still occurring now?
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<br>You're nasty pieces of work, the pair of you, aren't you?
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<br> <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/15/world/europe/15blair.html">New York Times - Blair questioned by police</a>
<br> <a href="http://news.sky.com/story/733663/labour-encouraged-mass-immigration-to-uk">Sky - Labour encouraged mass immigration to UK</a>
<br> <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2296064/If-scintilla-decency-Tony-Blair-Alastair-Campbell-John-Scarlett-faces-public-again.html">Max Hastings - If scintilla decency Tony Blair Alastair Campbell John Scarlett faces public again</a>
<br> <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/jan/25/bounty-blair-war-criminal-chilcot">Guardian - bounty-blair-war-criminal-chilcot</a> <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/columnists/andrewpierce/6313301/Has-Cherie-Blair-no-shame-I-think-we-know-the-answer-to-that.html">Telegraph - Has Cherie Blair no shame I think we know the answer to that</a>
<br> <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2000/jan/11/cherieblair.politics">Guardian - Cherie Blair, fare dodger</a>
<br> <a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/results-of-cherie-blair-inquiry-were-covered-up-2006093.html">Independent - Results-of-cherie-blair-inquiry-were-covered-up</a>
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<br><b>THE LOST EDDIE MAIR INTERVIEWS: HIGH STEWARD OF HULL PETER MANDELSON</b>
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<br>EDDIE MAIR:
<br>Mr Mandelson, I put it to you that not only were you caught lying twice, but you did so while you were a Minister of the Crown.
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<br>On one of those occasions, the lie was to cover up your actions in giving an unauthorised British passport to a millionaire Labour party donor.
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<br>You are loathed by most in your own party and you were considered a rank hypocrite when you betrayed your labour roots by shamelessly pursuing the lifestyle of an oligarch and accepting a place in the House of Lords.
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<br>You're a nasty piece of work, aren't you?
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<br> <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2000/oct/17/qanda.mandelson">Guardian - Mandelson loan scandal</a>
<br> <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/1137974.stm">BBC - Mandelson and the Hinduja brothers</a>
<br> <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/1997/aug/09/labour.mandelson">Guardian - Guardian - Glassy eyed Mandelson: Labour, man and boy</a>
<br> <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2029037/Peter-Mandelson-This-time-year-Reinaldo-billionaires.html">Littlejohn - Peter Mandelson: "This time next year Reinaldo we'll be billionaires"</a>
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<br><b>THE LOST EDDIE MAIR INTERVIEWS: CLEGGIE</b>
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<br>EDDIE MAIR:
<br>Cleggie, You famously claimed to support low student fees and then, months later when the smell of coalition power was in your nostrils, you let those students down by raising tuition fees by a factor of 300% to £9,000.
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<br>You're a nasty piece of work, aren't you?
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<br><b>THE LOST EDDIE MAIR INTERVIEWS: JOHN PRESCOTT</b>
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<br>EDDIE MAIR:
<br>You maintained an affair with one of your subordinates, throughout which you very likely told many lies to those around you. I wonder, was she coerced into that affair? You formed many liaisons with your mistress during work time, whilst taxpayers were still working to fund your indulgent lifestyle.
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<br>You betrayed your Labour roots by not only playing croquet on a posh lawn of your state-supplied mansion (during working hours) but you didn't really seem to care about being photographed.
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<br>Your incompetent "Pathfinder" housing schemes destroyed row upon row of viable housing stock, much of which now forms "Prescott" wastelands in the North.
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<br>You betrayed the taxpayers, you betrayed your wife, and you betrayed your old-fashioned, hard working Labour supporters.
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<br>You're a nasty piece of work, aren't you?
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<br> <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2006/apr/27/uk.labour">Guardian - Prescott two year affair</a>
<br> <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/5035506.stm">BBC - Prescott, croquet</a>
<br> <a href="http://www.moneyweek.com/investments/property/how-john-prescott-wasted-22bn">Money Week - How John Prescott wasted 22bn</a>
<br> <a href="http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/238350/John-Prescott-has-left-us-in-slums">Express - John Prescott has left us in slums</a>
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<br><b>THE LOST EDDIE MAIR INTERVIEWS: MICHAEL MARTIN</b>
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<br>EDDIE MAIR:
<br>You brought the position of speaker of the House of Commons into disrepute, you became known as an ignorant, inarticulate bully and, later, a figure of fun.
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<br>You and your wife hoovered up expenses and the lavish Speaker lifestyle like there was no tomorrow.
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<br>You sacked civil servants for the crime of being too "posh".
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<br>You spent £100,000 of taxpayers money on a soviet-style clampdown on any exposure of the crooked MPs' expenses frauds.
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<br>You presided over a regime of biased, political thuggery that saw its zenith when you encouraged police to arrest Damian Green purely for doing what all opposition MPs should be doing.
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<br>You're a nasty piece of work, aren't you?
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<br> <a href="http://www.independent.ie/opinion/analysis/undignified-downfall-of-a-bullyboy-speaker-26537454.html">Irish Independent - Undignified-downfall-of-a-bullyboy-speaker</a>
<br> <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2001/nov/06/gender.uk">Guardian - Sacked by Michael Martin for being posh</a>
<br> <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-564608/Speaker-Michael-Martin-condemned-120-000-taxpayer-funded-legal-bid-MPs-expenses-secret.html">Daily Mail - Speaker-Michael-Martin-condemned-120-000-taxpayer-funded-legal-bid-MPs-expenses-secret</a>
<br> <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2008/dec/04/michael-martin-damian-green">Guardian - Michael Martin - Damian Green</a>
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<br><b>THE LOST EDDIE MAIR INTERVIEWS: DAEDALUS X. PARROT</b>
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<br>EDDIE MAIR:
<br>You're a nasty piece of work, aren't you?
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<br>DAEDALUS X. PARROT:
<br>I have no time for Boris Johnson and I regard him as a two-faced, selfish politician, pretending to be a buffoon in order to cover up the fact that he really is a buffoon.
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<br>But I find it the height of nastiness and hypocrisy when you and your colleagues habitually show a blatant bias against centre right politicians while simultaneously showing a casual, cooperative attitude to left wing politicians.
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<br>If you regard the likes of Blair, Mandelson, Prescott, and Martin as not being nasty pieces of work, then I am proud to be so accused by you.
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<br>Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-14291543335779072322013-02-27T10:43:00.002+00:002013-02-28T08:23:49.973+00:00Nick Clegg Phone-In<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbMOzqxD7hTr_UJeAGdWixR8WaOvVFnq6z6bs5zO4KGRMgFnXzGJrbKtH5w82qE0fUST8Cq_StIvvOnhUbj08WjZYcBxz7CyJPKmSpCL73VTYJla2wEQzTAvVeNbbTI8tKBcLzV0vF6dg/s1600/nick_clegg01.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbMOzqxD7hTr_UJeAGdWixR8WaOvVFnq6z6bs5zO4KGRMgFnXzGJrbKtH5w82qE0fUST8Cq_StIvvOnhUbj08WjZYcBxz7CyJPKmSpCL73VTYJla2wEQzTAvVeNbbTI8tKBcLzV0vF6dg/s320/nick_clegg01.jpg" /></a>
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<b><u>The Nick Clegg Phone-In, live on LBC 97.3 FM</b></u>
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<B>NICK CLEGG</b>: Hello, this is the Nick Clegg phone in. What have you got to say caller. Er, is that Chris from Westminster?<br>
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<b>CALLER 1: CHRISTINE RENNARD OF WESTMINSTER:</b> No Nick this is, er, Christine, my voice is a bit hoarse. Don't you agree that it is shocking and distressing that the Lib Dems are the only 21st century party that supports the inalienable right of every portly gentleman over 50 to lovingly grope, I mean caress, us young females, especially when they work for me, I mean for you?<br>
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<B>NICK CLEGG</b>: Well Christine, of course the Lib Dems are right to support all such gestures of affection, but only so long as the lady concerned can be bullied, promoted or paid off and if the gentleman concerned is not a Conservative. By the way your voice sounds suspiciously like a Lord I know, are you sure you are a lady?<br>
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<b>CALLER 2: MIKE HANCOCK:</b> Hi Nick, I'm Mike Hancock C.B.E., the harworking Lib Dem MP for Portsmouth South. I agree completely with the last caller. In fact, I was only saying to my attractive 19 year old Russian assistant the other day, "Isn't it wonderful that you never shop me for indulging in such acts of affection.".<br>
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<b>CALLER 3: MARK OF OATEN:</b> Hi Nick, thanks for letting me speak, first time caller. Don't you agree that it is shocking and distressing that the Lib Dems are the only modern and accountable party to support the right of every decent man to lovingly engage in unspeakable 3-in-a-bed acts with rent boys and to promote the teaching of such in schools?<br>
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<B>NICK CLEGG</b>: Mark, you are of course right,the Lib Dems are the only party to support such individuals but we are confident that our coalition partners the Conservatives are moving that way as well.<br>
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<B>NICK CLEGG</b>: Hello caller, Nick Clegg here.<br>
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<b>CALLER 4: PADDY FROM PANTSDOWN:</b> Hi Nick, good of me to speak to you. You agree with me, of course, that it is shocking and distressing that the Lib Dems are the only democratic party to support the right of every decent man to engage in affectionate pantsdown activities with women who are not their wives. And finally, when are ya goin to let me give that lovely wife of yours a good...<br>
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<B>NICK CLEGG</b>: I think Paddy got cut off there, but, yes Paddy, only reactionary dinosaurs believe in these ghastly Victorian marriage vows. We and our coalition partners are successfully trying to destroy the institution of marriage.<br>
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<B>NICK CLEGG</b>: Hello caller, Nick Clegg here.<br>
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<b>CALLER 5: CHRIS H.:</b> Hi Nick, it is shocking and distressing that the Lib Dems are the only party to support the right of every decent man to affectionately coerce their wives to take their speeding points for them.<br>
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<B>NICK CLEGG</b>: Yes Chris, being a modern party, we strongly support the right of every Lib Dem MP to ignore any laws they don't like. But this can only happen in a fair and accountable society if the little people below us obey those same laws to prevent anarchy and also if they give us more of their pay to keep us in the democratic, subsidised life styles we deserve.<br>
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<B>NICK CLEGG</b>: Hello caller what have you got to say.<br>
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<b>CALLER 6: JEREMY THORPE:</b> Nick, isn't it shocking and distressing that the Lib Dems are the only gay-friendly party that supports the loving acts of attempted assassination between one loving consensual male and another in a consensual way?<br>
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<B>NICK CLEGG</b>: Yes, the Lib Dems are the only party loony enough to believe this.<br>
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<B>NICK CLEGG</b>: Hello caller Nick Clegg here.<br>
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<b>CALLER 7: DAVID LAWS:</b> Hello Nick, I feel it is shocking and distressing that more MPs are not allowed to lovingly rob the taxpayer via fraudulent expenses claims and then lovingly give it to their landlord boyfriend.
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<B>NICK CLEGG</b>: David you are right but the Lib Dems and the Conservatives have demonstrated how progressive they are by allowing such people to go unpunished and even promoting them to high office.<br>
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<B>NICK CLEGG</b>: Hello caller you're through to Nick Clegg.<br>
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<b>CALLER 8: P.C.PLOD:</b> Is it the case that you did knowingly conspire in the procurement of young and impressionable, silly girls and did knowingly allow them to be coerced into situations of sexual exploitation by an over-aged multiple chinned deviant?<br>
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<B>NICK CLEGG</b>: Yes, that is Lib Dem policy. Also, we strongly condemn self-appointed detectives in the press who notice this and hopefully they will be locked up when our Leveson proposals become law.<br>
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<b>CALLER 8: P.C.PLOD:</b> OK sunshine, get yer trousers on, you're nicked.<br>
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Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-88359433335073945512011-06-21T08:15:00.004+01:002011-06-23T22:59:07.802+01:00The Euro as a Farmyard Parable<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://static.rbytes.net/full_screenshots/d/i/dirty-fat-pigs-screensaver.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 225px;" src="http://static.rbytes.net/full_screenshots/d/i/dirty-fat-pigs-screensaver.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />(also called Mutual Fiscal Destruction)<br /><br />Each country in the EU agrees to donate their cows to a new joint Euro Herd in a specially ring fenced Euro Field.<br /><br />Countries like Germany nurture their part of the Euro Herd very well and it prospers and yields high levels of good quality milk. One or two countries, like Britain, decide not to join the Euro Herd and keep their own cows in their own field.<br /><br />Other countries though, such as Portugal, Ireland, Greece and Spain (the PIGS) only occasionally look in on their part of the Euro Herd and generally neglect them. One day a PIG discovers the dead carcasses of their cows as a horrid flattened mess. They ask for emergency cow loans and, reluctantly, the other Euro Herd members agree on condition that the PIGS take better care of their cows.<br /><br />For some inexplicable reason Britain, which has to borrow money every year to support its own cows, borrows even more money to buy cows to lend to the PIGS.<br /><br />A few days later one of the PIGS, who had nothing else better to do, happens to look in on his herd and discovers to his astonishment that his part of the Euro Field is a bloody, mangled mess of squashed cows. The PIGS again demand help from the Euro Herd members. Again they receive help on condition that they improve their cow husbandry.<br /><br />To the astonishment of impartial observers, Britain, which has absolutely no obligation to do so, borrows even more money to increase its already eye-watering, record breaking debt just so it can buy more cows to lend to the PIGS.<br /><br />What these Euro Herd owners and Britain refuse to acknowledge however is that every evening one of the PIGS leads a huge elephant into the Euro Field. This elephant usually lives in their front room during the day. Over night, as the elephant tramps around the PIGS part of the field, it accidentally flattens all of their cows.<br /><br />The big elephant in the PIGS’s room has a name and it is tattooed on its side in huge two foot high red letters, it is called Irresponsible National Debt.<br /><br /><br /><br /><i>This was posted in response to an excellent rewrite of the <a href="http://www.annaraccoon.com/silliness/2-cows/">Two Cows Capitalism joke by SadButMadLad at Anna Raccoon</a>.<br /></i>Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-71315584317793818222011-06-20T06:44:00.012+01:002011-07-10T10:22:38.613+01:00British Government Debt - A Simple Guide<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeeY-U0llldjoDT9BXPt1KGai-b0cRbxIP8YRs68gBXORa1XHA0pW7GHDRXiSx-87A9rfDfzp5fuRxvOJay9NLdD2JpkEaKseKrAXmyrKhbWj8l6nmZdFlU6Edkz8UFs0Uh1k_PE0bGS4/s1600/british_gov_debt_simple_guide_chart_v05.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 480px; height: 361px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeeY-U0llldjoDT9BXPt1KGai-b0cRbxIP8YRs68gBXORa1XHA0pW7GHDRXiSx-87A9rfDfzp5fuRxvOJay9NLdD2JpkEaKseKrAXmyrKhbWj8l6nmZdFlU6Edkz8UFs0Uh1k_PE0bGS4/s1600/british_gov_debt_simple_guide_chart_v05.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5627647507948997410" /></a><br /><!-- a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHDDg9U3subvUoV5-pGZ9pvlVu7iDNEi-y0hrN4COYYXs7IhYIAmD4YSVerre8AyjRpqFsCledgTu9TDDvNZPXKpsvxHhM70zNCdh52kNNQNfR7TZp9KIL7rr2DeEwUWlTtstAZ-O_kXo/s1600/British_Debt_Simple_Guide_1.05.bmp"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 480px; height: 361px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHDDg9U3subvUoV5-pGZ9pvlVu7iDNEi-y0hrN4COYYXs7IhYIAmD4YSVerre8AyjRpqFsCledgTu9TDDvNZPXKpsvxHhM70zNCdh52kNNQNfR7TZp9KIL7rr2DeEwUWlTtstAZ-O_kXo/s1600/British_Debt_Simple_Guide_1.05.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5620209184245816546" /></a --><br />It appears that various people like the trade unions, public sector fat cats, the BBC, most of the senior politicians from Labour, the Conservatives and the Lib Dems, oh and normal people under the age of 12, don't understand what a debt is.<br /><br />Here is a simple guide for these simple folk:<br /><br /><table width="520px" bgcolor="#d2d2d2" border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"><tbody><tr valign="TOP"><td width="151px"><i>Case 1.</i></td><td width="200px"><b><i>Mr. X (A hypothetical person.)</i></b><i></i></td></tr></tbody></table> <table width="520px" bgcolor="#d2d2d2" border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"> <tbody><tr valign="TOP"><td width="04px"><br /></td><td width="06px"><br /></td><td width="256px">Annual Income 2010:</td><td width="282px"><b>£25,000</b></td></tr> <tr valign="TOP"><td width="04px"><br /></td><td width="06px"><br /></td><td width="256px">Annual Expenditure 2010:</td><td width="282px"><b>£32,000</b> (129% of income)</td></tr> <tr valign="TOP"><td width="04px"><br /></td><td width="06px"><br /></td><td width="256px">Borrowing for 2010:</td><td width="282px"><b>£6,400</b> (25% of income)</td></tr> <tr valign="TOP"></tr><tr valign="TOP"></tr> <tr valign="TOP"><td width="04px"><br /></td><td width="06px"><br /></td><td width="256px">Existing debt:</td><td width="282px"><b>£215,000</b> (approx 8 times income)</td></tr> <tr valign="TOP"></tr> <tr valign="TOP"></tr> <tr valign="TOP"><td width="04px"><br /></td><td width="06px"><br /></td><td width="256px">Does the borrowing buy sellable assets?:</td><td width="282px">NO</td></tr> <tr valign="TOP"><td width="04px"><br /></td><td width="06px"><br /></td><td width="256px">Other information:</td><td width="282px"><b>This person gives away £360 to a foreign club that he gains no benefit from. This same club also imposes petty rules on him that prevent him from earning a further £4500 per year.<br />This man also gives away £350 per year to strangers he doesn't know, to people he knows are crooks or to people who are richer than him.</b></td></tr> <tr valign="TOP"></tr> <tr valign="TOP"><td width="04px"><br /></td><td width="06px"><br /></td><td width="256px">Verdict:</td><td width="282px"><b>This man is a nutter, for god's sake, someone take him to an accountant or get him sectioned in an asylum.</b></td></tr> </tbody></table><br /><p></p><br /><table width="520px" bgcolor="#d2d2d2" border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"><tbody><tr valign="TOP"><td width="151px"><i>Case 2.</i></td><td width="200px"><b><i>British Public Sector</i></b><i></i></td></tr> </tbody></table><table width="520px" bgcolor="#d2d2d2" border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"><tbody><tr valign="TOP"></tr> <tr valign="TOP"><td width="04px"><br /></td><td width="06px"><br /></td><td width="256px">Annual Income 2010:</td><td width="282px"><b>£549 billion</b> (Taxes etc.)</td></tr> <tr valign="TOP"><td width="04px"><br /></td><td width="06px"><br /></td><td width="256px">Annual Expenditure 2010:</td><td width="282px"><b>£710 billion</b> (129% of income)</td></tr> <tr valign="TOP"><td width="04px"><br /></td><td width="06px"><br /></td><td width="256px">Borrowing for 2010:</td><td width="282px"><b>£141 billion</b> (25% of income)</td></tr> <tr valign="TOP"></tr><tr valign="TOP"></tr> <tr valign="TOP"><td width="04px"><br /></td><td width="06px"><br /></td><td width="256px">Existing debt</td><td width="282px"><b>£4,771 billion</b> (approx 8 times income)</td></tr> <tr valign="TOP"></tr> <tr valign="TOP"><td width="04px"><br /></td><td width="06px"><br /></td><td width="256px">Does the borrowing buy sellable assets?</td><td width="282px"><b>NO</b></td></tr> <tr valign="TOP"><td width="04px"><br /></td><td width="06px"><br /></td><td width="256px">Other information:</td><td width="282px">This government gives away <b>£8 billion to the EU foreign club</b> that it gains no benefit from. This same EU club also imposes petty rules on the British economy that prevent it from earning a <b>further £100 billion</b> per year.<br />The British government also gives away several billion pounds per year to strange countries that it has nothing in common with, to countries with crooked leaders who stash the money in Swiss bank accounts or to countries who are richer than Britain and have their own space programmes and <i><b>working</b></i> aircraft carriers.</td></tr> <tr valign="TOP"></tr> <tr valign="TOP"><td width="04px"><br /></td><td width="06px"><br /></td><td width="256px">Verdict (From a sane person):</td><td width="282px"><b>This government is mad and needs to be replaced immediately with sensible financially-literate people.</b></td></tr> <tr valign="TOP"><td width="04px"><br /></td><td width="06px"><br /></td><td width="256px"><br /></td></tr> <tr valign="TOP"><td width="04px"><br /></td><td width="06px"><br /></td><td width="256px">Verdict (From the three main parties, trade unions, BBC, etc.):</td><td width="282px"><b>"This is good and sustainable, if you do anything else, like, ooh let's say do some budget cutting, then you are mad or an evil baby killer or both."</b></td></tr> <tr valign="TOP"><td width="04px"><br /></td><td width="06px"><br /></td><td width="256px"><br /></td></tr> </tbody></table><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkuAIz-UpAeJdBsDzTLpD9_30eIMxUppHZ-TAa7sQhvYaazzKuK3mt54nS3NChBJStFmj4aASilaKIDiDwedVnobHlvTgfqlSfZuz9AfOmrRSJVtw0j47TGCe769lpwd-PdVTMsQAeBxs/s1600/tpa_debt_graph_2001_to_2010_v04.png"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 415px; height: 315px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkuAIz-UpAeJdBsDzTLpD9_30eIMxUppHZ-TAa7sQhvYaazzKuK3mt54nS3NChBJStFmj4aASilaKIDiDwedVnobHlvTgfqlSfZuz9AfOmrRSJVtw0j47TGCe769lpwd-PdVTMsQAeBxs/s320/tpa_debt_graph_2001_to_2010_v04.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5607949431201030066" border="0" /></a><span style="font-family:ARIAL;font-size:78%;color:#5f5f5f;"><i>The above image © copyright The Tax Payers' Alliance</i></span><br /><br /><br /><b><u><i>SOURCES</b></u></i><br /><br /><b><u><i>Government Annual Income</b></u></i><br /><table width="522px" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"><tr><td width="11px"></td><td width="511px">H.M.Treasury - Public finances data bank spreadsheet – `ASheet C1, cell B51 - Receipts 2010/11 = £548.5 billion</td></tr><tr><td width="11px"></td><td width="511px">http://www.hm-treasury.gov.uk/d/public_finances_databank.xls</td></tr></table><br /><br /><b><u><i>Government Annual Spending</b></u></i><br /><table width="522px" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"><tr><td width="11px"></td><td width="511px">H.M.Treasury - Puiblic Finances data Bank Spreadsheet – Sheet B1, cell E50 - Total expenditure 2010/11 = £710.4 billion</td></tr><tr><td width="11px"></td><td width="511px">http://www.hm-treasury.gov.uk/d/public_finances_databank.xls</td></tr><tr></table><br /><br /><b><u><i>Government Annual Borrowing</b></u></i><table width="522px" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"><tr><td width="11px"></td><td width="511px">H.M.Treasury - Public Sector Finances Bulletin, March 2011 – Page 1 - Borrowing for 2010/2011 is £141.1 billion</td></tr><br /><tr><td width="11px"></td><td width="511px">http://cdn.hm-treasury.gov.uk/2011budget_complete.pdf</td></tr></table><br /><br /><b><u><i>Existing Government Debt - Median estimate</b></u></i><br /><table width="522px" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"><tr><td width="11px"></td><td width="511px">Institute of Economic Affairs (IEA) - UK's true national debt £4.771 trillion, 14-Jun-2010 - Page 13</td></tr><tr><td width="11px"></td><td width="511px">http://www.iea.org.uk/in-the-media/press-release/uks-true-national-debt-%C2%A348-trillion</td></tr></table><br /><br /><b><u><i>Existing Government Debt - Upper estimate</b></u></i><br /><table width="522px" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"><tr><td width="11px"></td><td width="511px">Real national debt is £7,900 billion (£7.873 trillion), according to TaxPayers’ Alliance calculations</td></tr><tr><td width="11px"></td><td width="511px">http://www.taxpayersalliance.com/home/2010/10/new-tpa-research-the-real-national-debt-a-decade-of-reckless-growth.html</td></tr><tr><td width="11px"></td><td width="511px"></td></tr><tr><td width="11px"></td><td width="511px">Click “Click here to read the full report” which leads to: http://www.taxpayersalliance.com/realdebt.pdf</td></tr></table><br /><br /><b><u><i>Other spending</b></u></i><table width="522px" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0"><tr><td width="11px"></td><td width="511px">Government pension liabilities for the next 40 years</td></tr><tr><td width="11px"></td><td width="511px">http://statistics.dwp.gov.uk/asd/asd4/index.php?page=long_term<br />Click LT3 which leads to: http://statistics.dwp.gov.uk/asd/asd4/LT3.xls</td></tr><br /><tr><td width="11px"></td><td width="511px"></td></tr><tr><td width="11px"></td><td width="511px">D.F.I.D. - DFID Business Plan 2011-2015 - Page 21 - DFID planned expenditure for 2010/2011 is £7.81 billion</td></tr><tr><td width="11px"></td><td width="511px">http://www.dfid.gov.uk/Documents/DFID-business-plan.pdf</td></tr><br /></table>Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-42025536290680099172011-04-11T07:09:00.000+01:002011-04-11T07:10:21.326+01:00WHERE ARE THEY NOW? - No.274 - Osama Brown-Gordon<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi61W_K09SrbE4gKyDokPLzPXfb482NsI0e9WL7SC3SDGSrHNAqpLbpoayQoPzkxLJp8bRzg1C3GA1ocZcSlv2GAhdIL7XOACW9eKbsBFuDc_CCp9DHUi40cSVP2ABr27jXZYrfEH9nc3M/s1600/ayatollahs_four_v01.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 574px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi61W_K09SrbE4gKyDokPLzPXfb482NsI0e9WL7SC3SDGSrHNAqpLbpoayQoPzkxLJp8bRzg1C3GA1ocZcSlv2GAhdIL7XOACW9eKbsBFuDc_CCp9DHUi40cSVP2ABr27jXZYrfEH9nc3M/s320/ayatollahs_four_v01.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5594202739403411858" /></a><i><small>Forensic computer reconstructions of what renegade Osama brown-Gordon might look like now.</small></i><br /><br />It is almost a year since anyone, especially from the coalition forces, has had any direct contact with the terrorist mastermind Osama brown-Gordon. <br /><br />The effects of his insane acts of terror are still with us everywhere. We, our children and our grandchildren seem doomed to suffer decades of stringent emergency countermeasures in order to repair the damage that he and his crazed Fabian TaLibour fanatics have caused.<br /><br />It is hard to imagine what relatively innocent and carefree lives we led before his terror death cult infected our country.<br /><br />Nearly every day we hear of another British casualty who has been harmed by the improvised economic devices (IEDs) that his fanatical TaLibour followers have planted. These highly explosive and destructive devices were cleverly assembled in Fabian bunkers in the think-tank madrassas of Westminsterland. It is estimated that hundreds more of these devices are still hidden in the fabric of our quangos, obscure Fabian legislation, public sector pension and pay schemes and private finance initiatives. Analysts say these are set to release their destructive forces for the foreseeable future. <br /><br />One of the senior fanatics who assisted brown-Gordon in his atrocities was the accomplished deceiver and thug, Moham-Ed Balls. This mad-eyed zealot was the architect of many of the destructive devices unleashed by brown-Gordon. Coalition forces have detected his fingerprints at many disaster sites in the country.<br /><br />Another who ranked highly in brown-Gordon's terror death cult was Moham-Ed Miliband. He was the fanatic TaLibour ayatollah of Global Warming before Britanistan was liberated by the coalition. He created many lunatic global warming fatwahs that are still costing this country billions and will cause many deaths amongst the vulnerable from fuel poverty.<br /><br />Some sources suspect <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1373872/We-Tory-PM--Lefties-luvvies-run-Britain.html">most of the Britanistan civil servants</a> and even members of the new Khameron regime are actually secret TaLibour supporters and fifth columnists. Many point to the mullahs Vyns Khable, Kriss Hoon and Khen Klark whose religiously inspired anti-business, loony green and pro-criminal policies are ignoring common sense and science and will doom most families to primitive and persecuted lives.<br /><br />This is just a glimpse of brown-Gordon's legacy, however, what about the elusive terrorist himself? What do we know about him and what has happened to him since his war on the west started?<br /><br />Osama brown-Gordon was born to fervently religious parents in Saudi Scotrabia and he learnt his brand of wahabist socialism at their feet while his mullah father held prayers for the local faithful. <br /><br />The bleak and barren mountainous region in which he was raised was notorious for producing many ranting preachers who would issue forth their diatribes of hatred at any passer by, especially if they were English.<br /><br />Some think it was during this time that he developed his hatred of anything associated with western democracy, individual liberty, business and prosperity, Christian principles or, to be frank, anything with common-sense, fun or pleasantness. <br /><br />Brown-Gordon then went on to study religious socialism at Al-Edinburgh madrassa and developed many of the skills that helped him become the hated figure he is today. <br /> <br /><table><tr><td><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-WWQ4Fv-F90fCp2gy-NYJu0UESQxNLND-HTyMacfQcYycXNSJ3uPVaVZt_Hy7hn8itB69YX96IW7g0JcpolGKWKrDw7pMBMuYqA5DgpsWQz4GAsxwtzizHhNRmzCAc7b35P_lyzwTed0/s1600/brown_you_tube_05_v04_v02.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-WWQ4Fv-F90fCp2gy-NYJu0UESQxNLND-HTyMacfQcYycXNSJ3uPVaVZt_Hy7hn8itB69YX96IW7g0JcpolGKWKrDw7pMBMuYqA5DgpsWQz4GAsxwtzizHhNRmzCAc7b35P_lyzwTed0/s320/brown_you_tube_05_v04_v02.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5593914609312525890" /></a></td><td><br /><i><b>"Yield to the All Powerful Fabian State. Death to all pig-dog capitalists."</b></i><p><i><small>An excerpt from Osama brown-Gordon's infamous Youtube video.</small></i></td></tr></table>He spent many fruitless years doing service as a foot soldier under ayatollahs M'kael Fhoot and Neel Khinok. He was active in the failed TaLibour spring offensives against Britanistan during 1983, 1987 and 1992 when they would descend from the mountains in their hoards shouting their blood curdling war slogans. He eventually reached the heights of the wahabist TaLibour ranks in the late 1990s when his compatriot Scotrabian, Djon S'mith appointed him as spokes-mullah for Economic Destruction.<br /><br />He made a pact with the warlord Toni B'lair at the Al-Granita restaurant in a Londonistan souk to form a joint leadership of the TaLibour. B'lair would be the smiling front man while brown-Gordon and his disciples wielded the real power. Together they then waged another spring offensive against Britanistan in 1997.<br /><br />The rest is well-known: The successful conquest of Britanistan, the medieval fatwahs and hate campaigns against non-believers, such as taxpayers, stay-at-home mums, old people, old fashioned Labour supporters (see <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1499466/Heckler-82-who-dared-called-Straw-a-liar-is-held-under-terrorist-law.html">here</a> and <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/8230500/Gordon-Browns-Gillian-Duffy-bigot-gaffe-political-row-of-year-says-Microsoft.html">here</a>), smokers, drivers, the English and most private sector workers, the levying of eye watering taxes, the creation of a greedy, corrupt "parliament", the religious indoctrination of the civil service and the destruction of the education system.<br /><br />Of course, his most well known acts were the creation and detonation of the most destructive debt bombs ever experienced by this country.<br /><br />The last reported public sighting of brown-Gordon was when he was seen furtively leaving the Ten-down'ng street area of Westminsterland in May 2010. He was reported to have used a woman and two innocent children as cover. Informed sources say the woman could have been a wife from an <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1351451/Gordon-Browns-budget-wedding.html">arranged marriage</a>. This, apparently, is a custom that many from brown-Gordon's cult follow, the most recent example being <a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/columnists/janet-street-porter/editoratlarge-does-ed-believe-in-marriage-or-is-he-merely-canvassing-2260756.html">Moham-ed Miliband</a>.<br /><br />Since then, no-one alive has seen brown-Gordon. American spy planes have sought in vain to find any evidence that he still exists but can find nothing.Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-70099490033971721572011-02-26T10:08:00.006+00:002011-02-26T11:01:14.705+00:00Do Parrots Swim?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://images.bradspictures.com/bpictures/r/red_rumped_parrot_swimming-8856.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 364px; height: 274px;" src="http://images.bradspictures.com/bpictures/r/red_rumped_parrot_swimming-8856.jpg" border="0" alt="" />Copyright © www.bradspictures.com/animals/8856/red+rumped+parrot+swimming.html</a><small><a href="http://www.bradspictures.com/animals/8856/red+rumped+parrot+swimming.html"></a></small><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5057/5410165178_cc58dd3702_b.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 364px; height: 242px;" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5057/5410165178_cc58dd3702_b.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><small><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/maummy/5410165178/">Copyright © www.flickr.com/photos/maummy</a></small><br /><br />Extract from the writings of a parrot enslaver:<br /><a href="http://www.petparrotsblog.com/parrot-care/pet-parrots-can-parrots-swim"><i>Advice for parrot slave owners: can parrots swim?</i></a><br /><br /><blockquote>Many pet parrot owners will bring their large parrots as well as small parrots into the shower with them and the birds seem to love this. There are actually special perches that can be purchased which will stick to the shower wall in order for your pet parrots to shower with you. I would advise buying these as it is much safer than having a pet parrot such as an african gray parrot or blue and gold macaw sitting on your shoulder. We never advise that any parrot be allowed to sit on your shoulder for reasons dealing with dominance issues. It can be extremely serious if your beloved pet parrot becomes frightened or angry and decides to rip out your eye or take a chunk out of your cheek. Never let a pet parrot rest above your eye level.<br /><br />It is true that birds do love water and bathing is essential for them to keep themselves clean and healthy. Pet Parrot care is not complete without making sure that your pet can easily bathe him/herself.<br /><br />Pet Parrots should not be allowed in water which is above their belly. The more shallow, the better. They can do quite a good job of cleaning themselves without too much water.<br /><br />Pet parrots cannot swim. Their feet are designed differently from ducks and swans. They are not webbed so they cannot paddle themselves through water like their cousins can, therefore please do not allow your pet birds near water deeper than their underbelly and watch them closely.</blockquote>Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-64491449264226589912011-01-24T09:32:00.018+00:002011-01-24T14:06:20.641+00:00PHONE HACKING-GATE - EXCLUSIVE - TRANSCRIPTS LEAKED<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6tODBvEbKlS2q1txEO0TVWNsfJMiRp8J_zAa3thhvHDTU_EYIoQFJxZ7dBrkWURaFAyab5MzMscEg1H_D7C5FTIbXk-nGxlMHr5RtVy1eVd7t8iP-3GyXemb3UOTVdIFcxdPmVx_eTC0/s1600/man_phone_typing_v02.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 166px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6tODBvEbKlS2q1txEO0TVWNsfJMiRp8J_zAa3thhvHDTU_EYIoQFJxZ7dBrkWURaFAyab5MzMscEg1H_D7C5FTIbXk-nGxlMHr5RtVy1eVd7t8iP-3GyXemb3UOTVdIFcxdPmVx_eTC0/s320/man_phone_typing_v02.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5565686512510340594" /></a><i>Wikileaks have released a set of transcripts of the infamous phone hacking conversations.<br /><br />Sources say that these files were found on a train by a cleaner after being left there by a GCHQ employee and that they were in turn illegally obtained by MI6 agents from a rogue cell of typists from the Womens' Institute who illegally typed up transcriptions of tapes that were illegally stolen by undercover ACPO police sex-therapists who obtained them from illegal private detectives from the Press Complaints Commission who were illegally investigating News of the World readers who illegally had an IQ above 12.<br /><br />What we have here is a serious case of illegal alphabetti spaghetti:GCHQ,MI6,WI,PCC,NOTW,IQ<br /><br />Never mind that, what now follows is some of those illegal transcripts. DO NOT READ ANY OF THESE TRANSCRIPTS, OTHERWISE YOU WILL BE SUED by a bunch of useless venal self-serving treacherous politicians and lawyers.<br /></i><br />Remember, DO NOT READ THESE TRANSCRIPTS.<br /><br />----------------------------------------------------------<br /><b>GORDON BROWN PHONE HACKING FILE</b><br />----------------------------------------------------------<br /><b>Messages left on GB's phone </b><br /><br /><b><i>Fri 13-Jun-1997</i></b><br />"Mr Brown, This is Sarah Macaulay. I am just replying to your advert in "Politico Trophy Wife Mart Weekly" wherein you expressed a desire to employ a nice, younger gel to be a pretend wifey and to breed some vote-getting children with. I wish to discuss terms with you and wonder if you and your lawyer would be free to meet me and my lawyer tomorrow. The terms looked particularly attractive, especially the bit about becoming party friends with Kate Moss and Nelson Mandela, I think he is soo cool. Yours sincerely, Sarah. Oh this voice mail thing is so awkw...."<br /><br /><b><i>Thu 20-May-2004</i></b><br />"Gordy Boy, how ya doin? Berny Madoff here. New York's looking lovely this time a year, ya gotta come visit. Hey look Gordy Baby, I needs some more dosh, I needs it sooo badly. D'ya wanna know WHY? I'll tell YA!! I just know yer gonna love this sweet, SWEET DEAL I got going!!! It'll make yer a zillionaire baby, it can't fail, IT JUST CANNOT FAIL. But, hey, ya gotta get in on this sweet deal NOW baby, get on now before it goes to these other guys. Just send me some more of that lovely gold bullion you sent me last year from your gold vaults and YOU and YOUR FAMILY are made for life baby! Would I ever lie to you? Ciao."<br /><br />----------------------------------------------------------<br /><b>ED MILIBAND PHONE HACKING FILE</b><br />----------------------------------------------------------<br />Messages left on Ed's phone<br /><br /><b><i>Mon 11-Feb-2008</i></b><br />"Ed, your Mum here. I notice you looked a bit peeky on the telly today. Let me make you some lovely chicken broth."<br /><br /><b><i>Tue 12-Feb-2008</i></b><br />"Edikins, darling, I'm in Asda getting the ingredients for your chicken broth. I noticed they had a special offer on woolly undies so I've bought you 10 pairs to keep you warm. I'll pop round with the broth and undies later today."<br /><br /><b><i>Tue 12-Feb-2008</i></b><br />"Edikins, darling, this is Mum. Er... I tried to bring round the chicken broth but unfortunately the protection police officer on your doorstep asked me questions and when I refused to give him grandma Ethel's broth recipe he arrested me under some preventing terror act thingy. I'm phoning from the police station, can you come and have a word with them for me darlikins?"<br /><br /><b><i>Wed 13-Feb-2008</i></b><br />"Ed, your Mum here. You still haven't got back to me. Although the police protection officer was a very nice young man, he refused to believe I wasn't a terrorist. They very kindly drove me to a tiny airport in the middle of nowhere and they said I was being given a free flight on CIA airways to a place called Rendition. Hopefully it will be nice and sunny."<br /><br /><b><i>Thu 14-Feb-2008</i></b><br />"Ed, your Mum here. This place is terrible, I've been locked up in a tiny, grubby and badly lit waiting lounge and there are these two sour faced men sitting across the table from me. Honestly, they are so rude, uncouth, smell of BO and have this obsessive gimlet-eyed look, they keep going on and on about the broth I made. Edikins, they're just like that bunch of Troskyists your late Dad kept bringing home for his discussions, and they're just as tiresome. I told them, "What kind of a girl do you think I am? Would you give away YOUR Gran's secret chicken broth recipe?" They got a bit flustered, anyway I'm going to have my nap now, that'll annoy them, just like it annoyed your Dad's chums."<br /><br /><b><i>Fri 15-Feb-2008</i></b><br />"Ed, Mum here. Well at long last, those grumpy men left me, maybe they had to get their flights, they went away muttering about something or other being worse than the Taliban. Anyway a very nice young officer put me on a connecting flight to a very nice sunny resort in Cuba. This is a lovely place Eddy dear. None of that miserable British weather, regular meals and exercises and everyone wears these lovely orange jump suits. Very chic they are."<br /><br />----------------------------------------------------------<br /><b>ANTHONY BLAIR PHONE HACKING FILE</b><br />----------------------------------------------------------<br />Messages left on Tone's phone<br /><br /><b><i>Wed 14-Nov-2001</i></b><br />"George, this is Tony, er Tony Blair. You remember we were playing that cool boardgame last week at some leaders' summit or other? Doncha just love the activities they lay on at these summits, no dreary leader stuff to do, just loadsa fun times; board games, chats n stuff. Well I was wondering, by the way how is that lovely wife of yours, Cherry got on so well with her ... hang on a minute ... Alistair what do you want now. Don't interrupt us ... what do you mean I've dialled the wrong number, look it says "The Cool Leader" on the phone, ... oh of course silly me ... I'm dialling myself. What's George Bush's number again?"<br /><br />----------------------------------------------------------<br /><b>GEORGE BUSH PHONE HACKING FILE</b><br />----------------------------------------------------------<br />Messages left on George's phone<br /><br /><b><i>Wed 14-Nov-2001</i></b><br />"George, Tone here, how ya doing. Good to meet you the other week. I really enjoyed that Risk boardgame we played in your hotel, those little plastic tanks and bombers looked so realistic. Er, ... actually, ... I'm phoning about that game thing we were playing. Alistair tells me that it wasn't a game but was a "Combat Reality Scenario Tool" and that it, hee hee, actually means that we will be invading half of the middle east in the next few years."<br /><br />"Look, er look, George, er , I thought it was only a bit of innocent fun, I didn't realise you were taking it all so seriously ... look I'm a compassionate kinda guy I don't want to go round the planet killing relatives of my voters."<br /><br />"Is there any way we can rewind this thing?"<br /><br /><b><i>Thu 15-Nov-2001</i></b><br />"George, Tone here. I've just remembered that this war game thingy showed a lot of other plastic pieces representing oil revenues, loads of international posturing, lucrative lecture circuits and a Congresional Medal of Honour."<br /><br />Look if it is ACTUALLY real, could we just play the bit of the game where I , er, I hate to ask, but could I have some of those lucrative bits if we invade just a tiny bit and don't kill anyone related to my voters?"Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-76041319548417669782011-01-10T20:46:00.015+00:002011-01-10T22:23:54.858+00:00Dear Mr BBC - Thanks ever so for the Mozart<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/_/28460839/Wolfgang+Amadeus+Mozart+mozart_ico05.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 299px;" src="http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/_/28460839/Wolfgang+Amadeus+Mozart+mozart_ico05.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><b>A listener writes</b><br /><br /><i>BBC Radio 3 is currently broadcasting all of Mozart's works over a 12 day period. <br /><br />I felt that for once they should be congratulated:</i><br /><br /><table BORDER=1 CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=5 width="520px"><br /><tr><td><br /><font face="courier new" size="2"><br /> Mr Daedalus Parrot<br /> Rose Cottage<br /> Lower Numpty<br /> Numptshire<br /><br /><br />Whoever is in charge of Radio 3<br />Broadcasting House<br />London<br />W1A 1AA<br /><br /><br />3rd Jan 2011<br /><br /><br />Dear Sir/Madam,<br /><br />This is not a complaint! Far from it. I wish to congratulate you and your colleagues at Radio 3 for the excellent Mozart season you are broadcasting.<br /><br />I know I am not alone in thanking you for giving us listeners so much wonderful, sublime music that appeals directly to one's soul. I can quite honestly say that switching from Radio 4 to Radio 3 for the past few days has made me so happy and content that I have even stopped shouting at the dog and casting curses at the (far too) many labour supporters on the BBC such as Marcus Brigstocke and James Naughty and that scottish lady who can't read the news properly.<br /><br />This is a very welcome departure from Radio 3's previous policy of only broadcasting unintelligible marxist atonal "music", appalling screechy string quartets by mediocre composers and Benjamin Britten songs.<br /><br />I can quite honestly say that for the first time in many years, my justifiable and deep anger at being forced to pay the TV licence fee to fund the biased socialist programming at the BBC has been tempered a bit. In fact I shall make a point of not attaching my thesis on political biasedness when I post you my TV licence cheque this year. After all, it is only fair that good deeds be rewarded.<br /><br />May your change in broadcasting policy never end and many respects to the humanity, genius and hard work of Mozart.<br /><br /><br />Yours ever so gratefully,<br /><br /><br />Daedalus Parrot.<br /><br /></font><br /></td></tr><br /><tr><td><br /><font face="courier new" size="2"><br /> Mr Daedalus Parrot<br /> Rose Cottage<br /> Lower Numpty<br /> Numptshire<br /><br /><br />Whoever is in charge of Radio 3<br />Broadcasting House<br />London<br />W1A 1AA<br /><br /><br />5th Jan 2011<br /><br /><br />Dear Sir/Madam,<br /><br />Further to my letter of 3rd Jan, I wish to say what a fantastic job you and your people are doing in broadcasting every single piece of manuscript penned by Mozart. <br /><br />You have of course, in the interests of academic completeness, decided to include the rather tedious pieces he wrote when he was about two years old and, of course, you insist on reading out the crude letters he apparently wrote without removing the obnoxious lavatory humour you claim he exhibited. Never mind, all great people have feet of clay and a true exposition of Mozart shouldn't be too obsequious.<br /><br />I also wish to make the following important point: much that I love Mozart's Eine Kleine Nachtmusik , I feel that broadcasting it four times on the same day is verging on trying to induce an aversion reaction in people. Surley that isn't your intention. Please could you widen the choice and maybe also broadcast some of his beautiful piano works as well.<br /><br />Many thanks for broadcasting so much wonderful music, for once.<br /><br /><br />Yours fathfully,<br /><br /><br />Daedalus Parrot<br /></font><br /></td></tr><br /><tr><td><br /><font face="courier new" size="2"><br /> Mr Daedalus Parrot<br /> Rose Cottage<br /> Lower Numpty<br /> Numptshire<br /><br /><br />Whoever is in charge of Radio 3<br />Broadcasting House<br />London<br />W1A 1AA<br /><br /><br />6th Jan 2011<br /><br /><br />Dear Sir/Madam,<br /><br />I notice with humble appreciation that you decided to implement my recommendation for broadcasting Mozart's piano works today and you have even named today as Piano Day. Bravo.<br /><br />Some of his piano pieces are works of perfection that would tap into the innards of anyone, even souless socialists, and render them into a a state of good humoured serenity. This is precisely the beneift to humanity that people like you should continue to strive for and for which, I wish to remind you, Lord Reith created the BBC. Please continue in this vein and try to avoid those nasty atonal Schoenberg and Stockhasen "works" which are of no use to humanity apart from inducing suicide.<br /><br />Just to remind you; now that you acknowledge what an excellent idea my piano day was, please take heed of my other advice and try to decrease the number of times you brioadcasrt Eine Kleine Nachtmusik, I think I heard it for the fifth time today.<br /><br /><br />Yours faithfully,<br /><br /><br />Daedalus Parrot.<br /><br /></font><br /></td></tr><br /><tr><td><br /><font face="courier new" size="2"><br /> Mr Daedalus Parrot<br /> Rose Cottage<br /> Lower Numpty<br /> Numptshire<br /><br /><br />Director of Radio 3<br />Broadcasting House<br />London<br />W1A 1AA<br /><br /><br />8th Jan 2011<br /><br /><br />Sir,<br /><br />I wish to demonstrate my continuing good will towards Radio 3 by reiterating my heartfelt gratitude for your excellent Mozart series on Radio3.<br /><br />It is quite amazing how widely appreciated Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart is across our planet, even after more than 200 years. I wonder if someone such as yourself will leave such a bequest to humanity?<br /><br />Doubtless you are another too well paid left leaning quangocrat with a pension that would be the envy of the greediest banker, I also suspect you would leave no lasting non-financial bequest after your demise, especially if you continue your policy of broadcasting Mozart's Eine Kleine Nachtmusik over and over AND OVER again! <br /><br />I have written to you before about this and, much that I love that work by Mozart, it is becoming seriously annoying to hear it on Radio 3 so many times every day. Please try to vary your content a bit.<br /><br />Many thanks for your time.<br /><br />Yours,<br /><br /><br />Daedalus Parrot.<br /><br /></font><br /></td></tr><br /><tr><td><br /><font face="courier new" size="2"><br /> Mr Daedalus Parrot<br /> Rose Cottage<br /> Lower Numpty<br /> Numptshire<br /><br /><br />Director of Radio 3<br />Broadcasting House<br />London<br />W1A 1AA<br /><br /><br />9th Jan 2011<br /><br /><br />Dear Sir/Madam,<br /><br /><br />Once again thanks for broadcasting Mozart's operas, wonderful stuff. His soprano arias are as near to perfection as one can get.<br /><br />However, I think you know why I have written so soon after my last letter: Eine Blimming Kleine Nachtmusik AGAIN last night! Please get a grip and try to play other Mozart works.<br /><br />Yours,<br /><br /><br />Daedalus Parrot.<br /><br /></font><br /></td></tr><br /><br /></table><br />=======================================================================Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-69831929090160407042010-10-22T14:46:00.010+01:002010-10-26T10:04:28.995+01:00Spending Review: Which plan did they use? - Plan 9 from outer space!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcSaGFu-9OS9QqM_qJ56Twb3fkmXBvgYKlPJYiJX_vOpJLCZkzmJ6QdChyphenhyphenDacGZmRWNlssTRlN76WiMDJMjIj96fcXsjhLtrRsEc2IyIrrITjrDvxYFfwsFw6GCk_oQ-EkNcCIg0F5CWw/s1600/Spending_Review_Possible_Plans_v06.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 640px; height: 326px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcSaGFu-9OS9QqM_qJ56Twb3fkmXBvgYKlPJYiJX_vOpJLCZkzmJ6QdChyphenhyphenDacGZmRWNlssTRlN76WiMDJMjIj96fcXsjhLtrRsEc2IyIrrITjrDvxYFfwsFw6GCk_oQ-EkNcCIg0F5CWw/s1600/Spending_Review_Possible_Plans_v06.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5532277270291457314" /></a><br />Those geniuses from our in-touch and financially astute coalition government and their brainy, experienced, selfless civil servants came up with a cunning plan for the 2010 Spending Review ™.<br /><br />Just to remind those from another planet, the immediate problems our country faced as at the time of the Spending Review in October 2010 were:<ul><li>Huge existing debts<br /><li>The need to borrow huge amounts each year<br /><li>The need to print millions in monopoly money each year (they call it Quantitative Easing)<br /><li>A ruinous, huge annual public sector spending. <br /><li>Part of the public spending is down to the EU in terms of annual membership fees, lost business because of illogical EU rules, welfare payments being paid to the 100,000s of Poles, Lithuanians, Afghans, Iraqis, Indians and Pakistanis the EU forces us to import.<br /></ul><br />What was their solution? Guess which one of the following spending plans our enlightened masters chose:<br /><br /><b><big>Plan A</big> - No cuts. </b><ul><li>Keep spending at the existing £696 billion per year.</ul><br /><br /><b><big>Plan B</big> - Small cuts of 2% per year. </b><ul><li>By 2014 we should be spending the same amount as 2008/09.</ul> <br /><br /><b><big>Plan C</big> - Cuts of 5% per year.</b><ul><li>By 2014 we should be spending the same amount as 2007/08.</ul><br /><br /><b><big>Plan 9 from Outer Space</big> - NO CUTS, but INCREASE spending. </b><ul><li>Keep increasing the public sector spending EVERY year. <br /><li>Keep borrowing MORE money each year.<br /><li>Keep increasing the national debt each year.<br /><li>Keep giving 100s of millions of pounds to India each year. India has a billion dollar space program and has just bought a multi-billion dollar aircraft carrier.<br /><li>Keep giving billions to unproven "green" technologies which are not based on settled, empirical science and, in any event, will be completely useless against the global increase in CO2 emissions. By the way, CO2 is an essential plant food, it is not a poison!<br /></ul><br /><br />[Hat tip to Richard North at <a href="http://eureferendum.blogspot.com">http://eureferendum.blogspot.com</a>]<br /><br /><b>Source Data</b><br /><small>----------------------------------<br />Public Sector Spending<br /><br />2004–05 Actual £492.377 billion <br />2005–06 Actual £524.006 billion <br />2006–07 Actual £550.046 billion <br />2007–08 Actual £582.534 billion <br />2008–09 Actual £629.844 billion <br />2009–10 Estimate as at Jul 2010 £669.260 billion <br /><br />2010–11 Planned £696.800 billion<br /><br />2011-12 Forecast £701.8 billion<br />2012-13 Forecast £713.0 billion<br />1013-14 Forecast £724.2 billion<br />2014-15 Forecast £739.8 billion<br /><br />----------------------------------<br /></small><br /><b>Source documents</b><br /><br />[1] <a href="http://eureferendum.blogspot.com/2010/10/for-avoidance-of-doubt.html">Richard North's article on the Spending Review: http://eureferendum.blogspot.com/2010/10/for-avoidance-of-doubt.html</a><br /><br />[2] <a href="http://cdn.hm-treasury.gov.uk/sr2010_completereport.pdf<br />">H.M.Treasury's Spending Review document: http://cdn.hm-treasury.gov.uk/sr2010_completereport.pdf</a><br /> (see "Total Managed Expediture" on pages 17 and 77<br /><br />[3] <a href="http://www.hm-treasury.gov.uk/d/pesa_2010_complete.pdf">H.M.Treasury's document on previous actual spending: http://www.hm-treasury.gov.uk/d/pesa_2010_complete.pdf</a><br /> Page 30 Table 1.11<br /><br />[4] <a href="http://indiabudget.nic.in/ub2010-11/rec/annex2.pdf">Indian government document on aid received from G8 countries</a>Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-60500101588572817412010-10-14T08:07:00.009+01:002010-10-18T09:26:03.679+01:00What if the Chilean miners had been trapped in ...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRJ0Y-mpYp7N-eGShqvNT0tA7_hdeP6co7aQZkDrpv_2LykmWiCu9nJsn5-QdewZ8iuUn2ouZSpPRvZYvDMtANnj-rc7X5wMtLuvD8ufLN-3bXaqPLE9lwVh4pl4WReih8fD4R8OHX47c/s800/Miner_finalfantasyfigurine.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 234px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRJ0Y-mpYp7N-eGShqvNT0tA7_hdeP6co7aQZkDrpv_2LykmWiCu9nJsn5-QdewZ8iuUn2ouZSpPRvZYvDMtANnj-rc7X5wMtLuvD8ufLN-3bXaqPLE9lwVh4pl4WReih8fD4R8OHX47c/s800/Miner_finalfantasyfigurine.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527797784072673394" /></a>- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -<br /><a href="#Miners_Britain">If the Chilean miners had been trapped in a British mine ...</a><br /><br /><a href="#Miners_USA">If the Chilean miners had been trapped in an American mine ...</a><br /><br /><a href="#Miners_EU">If the Chilean miners had been trapped in an EU controlled mine ...</a><br /><br /><a href="#Miners_NKorea">If the Chilean miners had been trapped in a North Korean mine ...</a><br /><br /><a href="#Miners_Afghan">If the Chilean miners had been trapped in an Afghan mine ...</a><br /><br /><a href="#Miners_Swiss">If the Chilean miners had been trapped in a Swiss mine ...</a><br />- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -<br /><br /><br /><b>If<a href name="Miners_Britain"> </a>the Chilean miners had been trapped in a British mine ...</b><ul><li> Rail trade union boss, Bob Crowe, would declare the rescue tunnel was part of the tube rail network and then call a strike to shutdown the rescue because of "safety ishoos" <small>(and ask for more pay)</small>.</li><li> Tony Blair would hog the television for days by making "They were the Peoples' Miners, who dug into our hearts .." speeches.</li><li> Gordon Brown would blame Margaret Thatcher for the situation.</li><li>No miners would be allowed out until an "X Factor" and "Britain's Got Talent" show had chosen which miner to rescue first.</li><li> The miners would die anyway because a new Health and Safety directive would forbid any rescue worker from working near a disaster scene.</li><li>Ten new QUANGOs would be created and would last for 10 years. They would be staffed by many incompetent civil servants, left-leaning academics and failed Labour politicians, on huge salaries and eye-watering, inflation-proof pensions. At the end of the 10 years, they would release 20 guideline documents, each at least 15,000 pages long. <br /><br />The document guidelines would ensure that: <ul><li>The miners' human rights would not be breached.</li><li>The miners would have access to halal meat.</li><li>A diversity czar would be appointed to make sure the ethnic and other minorities are well represented in the cavern.</li><li>A global warming risk assessment is completed.</li><li>Lawyers and police are present to make sure the miners don't resort to Hate Speech.</li><li>Teams of care workers and psychiatrists are on hand in case the miners do resort to Hate Speech. </li><li>The miners must not be rescued because their CO2 would melt the glaciers.</li></ul><br />As a result, any miner who survived underground for those 10 years would be grateful to the nation for being a member of a diverse, halal-eating, green society.</li><li> Any relative of the miners who approached the Prime Minister would be arrested, shot or beaten up by the police.</li><li> Anyone who insisted on reading out a list of the miners' names, near Westminster and without a state permit would be arrested for breaching Britain's liberal anti-terrorist laws.</li></ul><br /><b>If<a href name="Miners_EU"> </a>the Chilean miners had been trapped in an EU controlled mine ...</b><ul><li>EU bureaucrats would prosecute the miners for spending more than eight hours on one shift.</li><li>The EU would levy an emergency "miners' rescue" tax on all EU citizens until the miners were safe or for 100 years, whichever is the longest.</li><li>The rescue would fail because all of the national leaders and EU bureaucrats would argue about which country sponsors the drill, which country sponsors the supplies, and so on.</li><li>Actually, the EU rescue wouldn't even start because EU regulations state that the mining accident is not officially an accident because no EU flag was flying over the mine at the time. The marxist bureaucrat who designed that rule would later be found dead in the Chilean quarter of Brussels, with several pickaxes in his head.</li><li>To prevent accidents like this happening again, the EU would make new directives that would force a new militarised EU police force to be deployed on all European streets. Any citizens stopped by these police who had no mining permits would be shot.</li><li>All elections in Europe would be suspended until the EU-wide trauma caused by the mining accident had subsided to a safe democratic level (or 100 years, whichever is the longest).</li><li>All EU bureaucrats would be granted a 200% pay rise because of the stress they endured.</li></ul><br /><b>If<a name="Miners_USA"> </a>the Chilean miners had been trapped in an American mine ...</b><br /><ul><li>They would name the operation "Shock and Ore", bomb the mountain until a crack appeared, pull out all of the miners' dead bodies, declare that they had succeeded in forcing democracy on them and send a bill for the bombs to the miners' widows.</li><li> or ... American special services would be sent in, they would throw grenades into the miners' cavern and then claim Osama bin Laden had killed them with a suicide bomber.</li><li>Wall Street bankers would create a complex hedge derivative trading instrument based on the favourite number of the first rescued miner's son and cause another mini recession.</li><li>Obama would prevent any rescue until a new raft of legislation had been passed that required all rescuers and miners to invest in state healthcare and pay green taxes.</li><li>Obama would make a presidential address on all TV stations describing how, if the miners are rescued, it would be entirely down to his tireless efforts and vision. However if any miners die, it would all be the fault of British Petroleum and the British Empire.</li><li>Mysteriously, the miners find that the first person to appear in the cavern is an ambulance-chaser lawyer.</li></ul><br /><b>If<a name="Miners_NKorea"> </a>the Chilean miners had been trapped in a North Korean mine ...</b><br /><ul><li>The state media would report that Kim Jong-il's brave eldest son had single handedly rescued all of the miners </li><li> ... using technology devised by his genius glorious leader of a father.</li><li>Communications from dissidents in North Korea report that no miners survived and that thousands of peasants died trying to dig the miners out with medieval tools.</li></ul><br /><b>If<a href name="Miners_Afghan"> </a>the Chilean miners had been trapped in an Afghan mine ...</b><br /><ul><li>The Taliban would suddenly appear in the cavern before anyone else.</li><li> The Taliban would take everyone hostage, set up a heroine purification factory in the cavern, along with a terrorist training camp and an islamic school.</li></ul><br /><b>If<a href name="Miners_Swiss"> </a>the Chilean miners had been trapped in a Swiss mine ...</b><br /><ul><li>It would have been over in 5 minutes because the Swiss would have built in clever rescue channels during the mining.</li><li>All the miners would survive.</li><li>Very few TV stations would report it because it happened so quickly and no one had ever been at risk.</li><li>The mine would reopen the next day to resume full production.</li><li>The miners happily go back to work the day after that.</li></ul>Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-5390316330549112112010-10-13T16:15:00.012+01:002010-10-14T20:19:52.074+01:00Missing In Action - Anna Raccoon<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja6z_-aFgoDF7-GLRF185XghkavJ-vKfmxIQ9QY0NLJ8QX-n4K84tR4-RnICmII8ZHxj7bJLzyc4KT3aGuMAH_2vgxConcVkrH97chT8tOWkOcpeBMWB37wFsAlcsmsQm0c0_EPwZVcJY/s1600/Raccoon_Soldier.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 221px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja6z_-aFgoDF7-GLRF185XghkavJ-vKfmxIQ9QY0NLJ8QX-n4K84tR4-RnICmII8ZHxj7bJLzyc4KT3aGuMAH_2vgxConcVkrH97chT8tOWkOcpeBMWB37wFsAlcsmsQm0c0_EPwZVcJY/s320/Raccoon_Soldier.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527979790613435378" /></a><br />This region of the blogosphere was shocked to discover that all traces of the formidable and much loved blogger Anna Raccoon have been erased. <br /><br />Her website is no more, her facebook, twitter and email accounts have been deleted and little trace remains, apart from the few cached web pages in Google. It is almost as if she has suffered a systematic 1984-like purge from all known records.<br /><br />Several long-time collaborators of Anna's have tried to contact her but no news of a reply has been received yet. Well, apart from this <a href="http://twitter.com/obotheclown/status/27185252598">tweet from Obnoxio the Clown:</a><br /><i><b>I am the bearer of foul news. Anna Raccoon has ceased blogging. She is fine, but has decided to give up blogging and has taken her site down </b><br /><small>about 16 hours ago via TweetDeck <br />Retweeted by 1 person<br />obotheclown<br />Obnoxio The Clown</small></i><br /><br />There are several theories:<br /> 1. Just fed-up with blogging<br /> 2. Legal pressure <br /> 3. Health <br /> 4. A joke<br /> 5. She has a new job as Gordon Brown's assistant<br /><br />If this is really the end of Anna's career, then her insight, humour, rigorous research and compassion will be much missed. I think there are few, if any, bloggers out there who could fill her boots.<br /><br />Whether Anna's disappearance is permanent or not, I feel it would be prudent to protect her legacy. I think it would be a crime to deprive the web of her best posts. <br /><br />So, does anyone wish to collaborate on an archiving project? If so, please use the email at my contact link. Similarly, if anyone wants to suggest or vote for the best of Anna's posts that they think should be preserved, then please also get in touch. We don't have much time as Google's cache eventually removes old posts.<br /><br /><b>== UPDATE 1 == [13-Oct-2010 20:50]</b><br />Gildas the Monk posted an excellent eulogy to Anna on Grumpyoldtwat's blog here: <a href="http://grumpyoldtwat.blogspot.com/2010/10/anna-raccoon.html">Ana Raccoon</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://grumpyoldtwat.blogspot.com/">GOTY</a> also mentioned the following:<br /><i>Gotty says:<br />Anna is fine but for personal reasons she felt that now was the right time to quit blogging. Best wishes Anna for whatever you decide to do in the future .... and thank you ;-)</i><br /><br /><b>== UPDATE 2 == [14-Oct-2010 20:00]</b><br />Anna has written a <a href="http://grumpyoldtwat.blogspot.com/2010/10/final-words-of-anna-raccoon.html">farewell post here.</a><br /><br />Rather sad but at least Anna is choosing a less stressful, happier life.<br /><br /><b>To Anna:</b><br />Many thanks for the hours of amusing, entertaining, beguiling, illuminating and surprising articles you provided for the legions of blogonauts. You most certainly made a difference, a very good one and have set the bar very high. <br /><br />Take care, enjoy your life, you deserve it. <br />Bon Chance, Daedalus.Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-11805231417141801062010-10-10T13:43:00.008+01:002010-10-10T17:25:27.611+01:0010:10:10 Day! - Kill All Humans To Save The Planet<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuU798gnMDHNten-cHTMN2WF5pPpvTRxg8emnKYhgqdc9Y2-x0TQMPQ9JO0hvtMdx1AwDqBnptZ9L5lycHhTeU0NKvLeajSpy4ZXHKaJ6TLIoTatgn4C5vNVLUlWkDcBeJOxo7THqAGEs/s1600/Ten_Ten_Poster_Kill_Humans_v02.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 301px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuU798gnMDHNten-cHTMN2WF5pPpvTRxg8emnKYhgqdc9Y2-x0TQMPQ9JO0hvtMdx1AwDqBnptZ9L5lycHhTeU0NKvLeajSpy4ZXHKaJ6TLIoTatgn4C5vNVLUlWkDcBeJOxo7THqAGEs/s400/Ten_Ten_Poster_Kill_Humans_v02.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5526452604866121090" /></a><br />Well aren't we all excited and happy! Today is 10:10:10 day, yippee!<br /><br />Yes, those thoughtful fans of child executions at 10:10 <a href="http://eureferendum.blogspot.com/2010/10/enemys-true-face.html">(who created that thoughtful Warmist propaganda snuff movie)</a>, have deemed that today is the day that we must save the planet by exploding children or some such activity.<br /><br />You too can join these lovely, fluffy, tree-hugging do-gooders by signing up here: <a href="http://www.1010global.org/uk/people">Sign Up to 10:10</a><br /><br />The poor dears are really quite shy and have not worded their Sign Up page in the robust way that Warming Alarmists should do.<br /><br />So as part of my bit to save the planet, here is my translation of their Sign Up web page in the language that they should have used:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoirUxj9DmM1OBpLLGrnyY91nxx1GV3mPXxL5yAyBx5m8sa8im_clSIw-zspOsnAqqKNy1Oie-VU_zheyhk4w-DNHnN6g8ejIz62Z-KdwdqOVVsmehV6WW8-ISP6tRzk2e0KAFIMjbcr4/s1600/Ten_Ten_People_Page_Genocidists.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 660px; height: 353px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoirUxj9DmM1OBpLLGrnyY91nxx1GV3mPXxL5yAyBx5m8sa8im_clSIw-zspOsnAqqKNy1Oie-VU_zheyhk4w-DNHnN6g8ejIz62Z-KdwdqOVVsmehV6WW8-ISP6tRzk2e0KAFIMjbcr4/s1600/Ten_Ten_People_Page_Genocidists.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5526399854585816562" /></a><br /><br />It doesn't end there! Those 10:10 folks have also, very kindly, provided a clever web page that allows you to design your own poster, here: <a href="http://www.1010global.org/postermaker">Make Your Own 10:10 Poster</a>. <i>(Hat tip to <a href="http://grumpyoldtwat.blogspot.com/">grumpyoldtwat</a>)</i><br /><br />Again, these lovely, fluffy hippies are just too modest to really express their true feelings, so I have made a couple of my own posters for them, above and here:<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRDzZXsQsJqfnilMF3ZfQARAr0ix-fEmWsF8bR-WxrAnygPmgwc7Pff-2h5ns8QhJGGHmu9qVbhZ0P_pMVkJnxeormuR_hFaPz3H1NkC5FdAwPHIDfoIgeWJw88loNPS9aAfAPeXm9dqY/s1600/Ten_Ten_Poster_Global_Cooling.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 276px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRDzZXsQsJqfnilMF3ZfQARAr0ix-fEmWsF8bR-WxrAnygPmgwc7Pff-2h5ns8QhJGGHmu9qVbhZ0P_pMVkJnxeormuR_hFaPz3H1NkC5FdAwPHIDfoIgeWJw88loNPS9aAfAPeXm9dqY/s400/Ten_Ten_Poster_Global_Cooling.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5526416062818814034" /></a>Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-11447088375746769712010-09-27T17:21:00.015+01:002010-09-28T23:36:12.983+01:00Bedtime Stories With the Milibands<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGMAtk6B6uqPkWx_vDoqDGEAwPyhdfil0POdwPunqMq4rxu4vzQ2V8A1ibASCqgq261ua9LUWty9V8COF_RkQhyphenhyphenSz4HkGad5M4H3V2KNxiioskDEjkFPkZpVQBxfW4XXmq0jYgRJKWNfA/s1600/Milli_Bros_In_Bed_A_v02.02.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:left;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 480px; height: 239px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGMAtk6B6uqPkWx_vDoqDGEAwPyhdfil0POdwPunqMq4rxu4vzQ2V8A1ibASCqgq261ua9LUWty9V8COF_RkQhyphenhyphenSz4HkGad5M4H3V2KNxiioskDEjkFPkZpVQBxfW4XXmq0jYgRJKWNfA/s320/Milli_Bros_In_Bed_A_v02.02.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5521675337140100322" /></a><br /><br /><i>The scene starts in a leafy, well-to-do street in the fashionable part of Primrose Hill. It is early evening and inside a large house, Ma Miliband (known as Marion Kozak in her local progressive Marxist cooperative collective) is reading a bedtime story.<br /><br />The sound of a child's music box can be heard playing some dissonant, atonal, Marxist-inspired "tune" and two earnest boys are in bed listening attentively to their mother ...<br /></i><br /><br /><b><u>MA MILIBAND</u></b><br />... and the peoples' warrior Gordon-the-Brown did bravely battle the big bad many-headed democratic monster but he was slain in a cowardly way by the nasty, capitalist, racist quislings. <br /><br />There was great sorrow in La-La-Lab-Land and the good people of the Socialist tribe and the Tradunion tribe and the Internationalprogressivemarxist tribe and the Beebeecee tribe did rent their clothes and gnash their teeth at such terrible news ...<br /><br /><b><u>DAVE</u></b><br />Oh Mummeeee, Mummeee, that is a very sad story, it reminds me of that tale you told us about poor old peoples' hero Pol Pot. But please Mummee, I must know, do you still love me?<br /><br /><b><u>MA MILIBAND</u></b><br />Oh, my little bananakin, you are Mummy's special little banana and I shall always consider you in a special way. Here's a kiss from Mummy.<br /><br />[<i>sloppy wet kissing sound</i>]<br /><br /><b><u>ED</u></b><br />Mummee, Mummee you still love me don't you? I am the new gang leader now, so you must love me more than David.<br /><br /><b><u>MA MILIBAND</u></b><br />Aaah, my little Red-Edikins. You are my favourite little progressive Marxist Leninist social democrat. Here let me give you a hug.<br /><br /><b><u>DAVE</u></b><br />Mummee, Mummee it's not fair! Today, Ed's friends, those stupid fat bullies Derek Simpson and Charlie Whelan rigged the Labour gang election at school and ... and (sob) ... and ... he got them to beat me up. Boo hoo waaaahh. It's really unfair, I want to own a left of centre progressive Marxist gang.<br /><br /><b><u>MA MILIBAND</u></b><br />Oh my poor little Bananakins don't cry. You must realise that there is no such thing as ownership but only responsible social democratic collective decision making and management by the workers' representatives. No-one "owns" a gang.<br /><br />Now Redikins, say sorry to Bananakins for not following the agreed progressive social democratic procedures for the selection of the peoples' representatives.<br /><br /><b><u>ED</u></b><br />Oh, all right then, I hereby agree to issue a clarification statement which will comply with the recommendations of the workers' remediation committee in order to convey ...<br /><br /><b><u>MA MILIBAND</u></b><br />Oh how sweet my little Redikins, you can't even say a simple sorry in less than a thousand words. Daddy would be so proud of you.<br /><br /><b><u>ED</u></b><br />Mummee, Mummeee am I still a brilliant progressive Marxist? Do you love me more than Bananakins? <br /><br /><b><u>DAVE</u></b><br />Mummee, Mummee, that's not fair. You should love me more!<br /><br /><b><u>MA MILIBAND</u></b><br />Oh my little liebkins, don't fret so. Do you remember when we went with Daddy on those Workers' Revolutionary Party family picnics to Karl Marx's grave? Do you remember the long drawn out monologues he and Uncle Laski would deliver to us on modern Marxist Leninist progressivism? <br /><br />Well during one of those afternoons he explained to us that there is no such thing as love in a progressive egalitarian society which is organised along Marxist Leninist principles. "Love" is just a nasty bourgeois capitalist concept that causes inequality, exploitation of the workers, poverty and war.<br /><br /><b><u>DAVE</u></b><br />Mummee! You used that nasty bourgeois word "family". Surely you mean "proletarian social unit"?<br /><br /><b><u>ED</u></b><br />Er .. Mummee, will you have a word with those nasty boys in the Blair gang, they've been telling stories about how I'm geeky and too old to be living at home with you Mummee.<br /><br /><b><u>MA MILIBAND</u></b><br />Oh don't be so silly Redikins, you're only 40 and Bananakins is only 45, you both need your Mummee to look after you.<br /><br />Anyway it is time for sleepy time so I shall just turn the light out and say good night.<br /><br /><b><u>ED</u></b><br />Mummee, can I have my fluffy stuffed Lenin to hug in bed please?<br /><br /><b><u>MA MILIBAND</u></b><br />Yes my little darling ...<br /><br /><b><u>DAVE</u></b><br />Mummee, can I have my bedtime banana please?<br /><br /><br /><i> ... and so we leave the Miliband household to a peaceful night's sleep.<br /><br />NEXT WEEK: we listen in to the bedtime goings on in a windswept, bare, grey house in the Scottish Lowlands in Fife as the carer Sarah Brown takes the hand of her Gordon and helps him waddle up the stairs to his cot, changes his nappy and makes sure he takes his medication before singing him to sleep.</i>Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-65001549601876536682010-09-01T09:56:00.006+01:002010-09-03T07:36:46.874+01:00Those Tony Blair Memoirs<a name="top"> </a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNtyDrN9mqbLZ8ucPxM5Esd6Bm87gQW-1kTPzq0wcMd3QTGyAR3PjI10tUaS9l85taM8rauSwVMUPrnzrnSqtJB7oMWrM3YNlAv3RqEEHqBLRwqrBXxfZXZb4MJWrbjxDzAnlAY8ZzO18/s1600/TonyBlair_Why_I_Was_Right.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 225px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNtyDrN9mqbLZ8ucPxM5Esd6Bm87gQW-1kTPzq0wcMd3QTGyAR3PjI10tUaS9l85taM8rauSwVMUPrnzrnSqtJB7oMWrM3YNlAv3RqEEHqBLRwqrBXxfZXZb4MJWrbjxDzAnlAY8ZzO18/s320/TonyBlair_Why_I_Was_Right.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5512555793499863170" border="0" /></a><br /><i>In an exclusive deal with Daedalus Parrot Publishing Inc., the long awaited memoirs of Anthony Blair, "Why I Was Right", will be serialised in this column over the next few minutes. <br /><br />In this first instalment, Anthony describes how right he was.</i><br /><br /><br /><b><u>Thank You</u></b><br /><br />Before we proceed, some thanks are in order. I know, wise reader, you gave thanks to me in the past for all of the wonderful things I brought into this world. It is of course, as one of my key workers Alleystare Camp-Bell pointed out to me, very likely that you are one of the 100 million people who thanked me by voting for me in the United Britain election of 1997 and you are probably one of the billions of wonderful people on this planet who want me to be the World President.<br /><br />So, as we embark on this account of my fantastic journey, I would like to take this opportunity to allow you to thank me again. And Cherry says don't forget to buy another copy of my book to give to a loved one.<br /><br /><u><b>In The Beginning</b></u><b></b><br /><br />Beginnings are delicate things, many potentially great events founder on the slightest mishap at inception. Well you can thank The Lord himself that my beginning was so perfect. I came from an impeccable Noo Labor background, my mother was the daughter of a Glaswegian butcher and my father, the illegitimate offspring of English actors, was a peripatetic law lecturer. We lived 5 children to a room (or was it 5 rooms to each child) in a Georgian mansion in the cathedral precinct of Durham.<br /><br />As a child I was a precocious, helpful young person who would always be ready to offer words of advice. I would often demonstrate my compassionate idealism by telling my mother how she could do the cleaning in a new third way. My father always showed an intense and emotional expression of surprise on his lined face when I would advise him about my human rights.<br /><br />My parents loved me so dearly that they would often exclaim loudly to the heavens how much they couldn't stand how "full of it" I was. Such endearments only gave me more encouragement to tread the path that has led to this captivating book you are reading.<br /><br />After an incident at Durham Cathedral's Choristers' School, my parents insisted I spend the rest of my impoverished upbringing at expensive boarding schools. This reinforced my compassionate idealism and sense of self-admiration.<br /><br />My parents often remarked how glad they were that I was at boarding school and were only too happy to scrimp and save to pay for me to stay at school over the holidays.<br /><br />The many school friends, that I think I had, would often stay away from me and never speak to me, if only to make it easier for them to stand back in awe at my demigod like looks and achievements.<br /><br />My personal biographer, John Rentoul, remarked how much I was missed when I left school. <a href="http://news.scotsman.com/edwardblack/Tony-Blairs-revolting-schooldays.2548089.jp">"All the teachers I spoke to when researching the book said he was a complete pain in the backside, and they were very glad to see the back of him."</a><br /><br />In my mind I know God intended me to be the remarkably wonderful World Leader that I am today. So it was only natural that I should have started my adulthood by creating the world's most fantastic boy band at school. I named the band the "Furtive Gropings". In the three and a half long arduous days of our existence, we did sellout tours of Acton and Neasden and went to number one in the pop charts at the Goldhawk Road secondhand record shop.<br /><br /><b><u>Legal Eagle</u></b><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSj8Nc4TYDKl3lhvvgyNlBK8Z2F96U0ayiG1kT1m8D2peOkssNhlcOsnx4EaJqrLcJtmL5oNLX-ozAG8pDSF41CD35TlVg4ns_uBW3VREF86locxxkz0gKJRZj8DfabDQtNYx-cY9j5V4/s1600/TonyBlair_young_cheesy_grin_yuk.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 299px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSj8Nc4TYDKl3lhvvgyNlBK8Z2F96U0ayiG1kT1m8D2peOkssNhlcOsnx4EaJqrLcJtmL5oNLX-ozAG8pDSF41CD35TlVg4ns_uBW3VREF86locxxkz0gKJRZj8DfabDQtNYx-cY9j5V4/s320/TonyBlair_young_cheesy_grin_yuk.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5512359383695081954" border="0" /></a><br />After these heady days came to an end, I started on my career as a World Leader by becoming a renowned lawyer. Derry Irvine, who ran our chambers was a wonderful mentor, he would often tell me how he feared the day I stepped into a courtroom. He said that as I was so "full of it" he would prolong my traineeship to defer my first case, "for the sake of the justice system".<br /><br />He once shouted that I was so "horse-copulatingly awe full" that he would look forward to the day I started a career outside law. Readers should know that this legal jargon is the highest praise a world renowned lawyer can receive.<br /><br /><b><u>Compassionate Love</u></b><br /><br />As I was having my lunchtime gaze into the mirror yesterday, I wondered about the other love of my life and recalled how Cherry and I met.<br /><br />Just before Derry Irvine asked me to leave his law firm, he pointed out, in his own unique way, how much he admired me and asked me to do him just one favour before we parted. He told me of a "ferocious, foul-mouthed, useless, bolshy bint" who had just started working for him and who was causing untold problems in the office. Derry was of the opinion that she was a "frustrated harridan" who neeeded a "damned good seeing to and that this is the only way to calm down uppity slappers like her." These technical legal expresisons were actually affectionate words of praise for none other than my own dear, sweet Cherry.<br /><br />This was the first I had heard of this wonderful woman and thereafter I would often hear similar energetic expressions of her startling abilities. As Derry suggested, we did go courting and we embarked on what the world now regards as the most intense, loving and respectful people's partnership ever seen.<br /><br /><br /><b><u>Humble Birth of a Political Giant</u></b><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQZERMOIWhZ3yyy4futO1eU0kO1oPvxKiL9dke2S1-Hu7ADiEe2SS28lZ8eap5qlglJZ6NOvuKadjMtrB3ZVW1grX9yKYiXfqhH7HwOP03uBuVCERpwc1qN1c5h8i2R919LReoOf1KiXY/s1600/TonyBlair_sweating_v01.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 234px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQZERMOIWhZ3yyy4futO1eU0kO1oPvxKiL9dke2S1-Hu7ADiEe2SS28lZ8eap5qlglJZ6NOvuKadjMtrB3ZVW1grX9yKYiXfqhH7HwOP03uBuVCERpwc1qN1c5h8i2R919LReoOf1KiXY/s320/TonyBlair_sweating_v01.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5512357532480768642" border="0" /></a><br />The world can also thank dear, dear Derry for encouraging me to join the compassionate and idealistic world of politics. "Tony, you preening queer." he told me once, "Since you are such an elephant's appendage of a prima donna, why doncha join that bunch of pansies in the Tory party?"<br /><br />When I tried to join my father's local Tory Association, their Chairperson very astutely noticed how talented I was. He kindly suggested that my talents would be wasted on the Tories and that as I "was so full of it" I should "join that shower down in the Labour Club.".<br /><br />I joined the local Labour party and told them how I loved Karl Marx's Mein Kampf. They were very impressed and gave me the key role of clearing the empty glasses on Friday evenings.<br /><br />Later on, I impressed both my colleagues and opponents when I single handledly almost won the 1982 bye-election in Beaconsfield. My Labour colleagues passionately congratulated me by way of the traditional Labour gesture of throwing tomatoes at me. They said that I was so good that I had even <a href="http://www.answers.com/topic/beaconsfield-by-election-1982">"lost the deposit"</a> and halved my vote. This is, apparently, a great political achievement that very few Labour or Tory politicians have accomplished.<br /><br />From then on, it was an effortless path to greatness as I smarmed, bitched and backbited my way to the leadership of Noo Labor.<br /><br />I was also helped by my fragrant friend Petey Mandelslime, who I rather think fancied my handsome looks.<br /><br /><br /><b><u>Why I Was Right About Gordon Brown</u></b><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSh37yBKGfo1yJvis2FygdlAgD7uJihCMIDktqHvXfipdZcVrv7mZpMKA8jhQlb94uYK4hifLE-XITXjlTUoFYwZKx9wH8kSNl-aC41jAppTEuRvkepGRQf5K6Iqb0WqubVo9nG24oYaI/s1600/GordonBrown_Manic_HandInDishevelledHair_280x390.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 230px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSh37yBKGfo1yJvis2FygdlAgD7uJihCMIDktqHvXfipdZcVrv7mZpMKA8jhQlb94uYK4hifLE-XITXjlTUoFYwZKx9wH8kSNl-aC41jAppTEuRvkepGRQf5K6Iqb0WqubVo9nG24oYaI/s320/GordonBrown_Manic_HandInDishevelledHair_280x390.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5511868028602087058" border="0" /></a><br />Look, I'm a compassionate kinda guy, you don't just chuck a mentally disturbed scottish psychopath and his carer wife out onto the streets where he won't be protected by MP expenses or attack-dog spin assassins. It isn't the Noo Labor way. It is common knowledge that I was right to show Christian charidee and give a token job to Gordon and his carer wife. The alternative would have been to witness them plunging into a life of normal work and living slightly luxurious life-styles.<br /><br />Hence I gave them the insignificant job of Chancellor, which as anyone knows, is an undemanding job that requires making the occasional decision about petty cash.<br /><br />Just to remind my dear reader (you are a very intelligent and lovely person for buying my book by the way, all proceeds go to my fantastic wife Cherry's favourite charidee), just to remind my really excellent readers, the real power is with the PM (that was me!) who makes all of the major war policies and who strides the global stage like a leviathan and always has at least 10 police outriders wherever he travels.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzUnCIlBJ2xLAk5Q_19ZG8pEWcQT7z3kXzUv_cuXv0aObX_4SlJEIzhZzP76n-iLaK4F4oPSa2_pZExmRZNFbA5szOnKZG7K_4QM8sRf4hYgg8XvYFZAjXido-x-hR_JiZg8MXay34dC8/s1600/GordonBrown_on_fire_v01.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 248px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzUnCIlBJ2xLAk5Q_19ZG8pEWcQT7z3kXzUv_cuXv0aObX_4SlJEIzhZzP76n-iLaK4F4oPSa2_pZExmRZNFbA5szOnKZG7K_4QM8sRf4hYgg8XvYFZAjXido-x-hR_JiZg8MXay34dC8/s320/GordonBrown_on_fire_v01.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5512360759697560210" border="0" /></a><br />The trivial, unimportant decisions about petty cash, housing, public staff, etc. were left to someone who, well let's be frank here, I really love Gordon and his carer wife whats-her-name, but to be absolutely honest with ourselves in that sincere Noo Labor way, these kind of menial jobs, where no real harm can be done are best left to people like Gordon and his carer wife.<br /><br /><br /><b><u>Why I Was Right About the Global Credit Warming Crunch</u></b><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjst4tVD0o2-mxqSNXnqxddi1rBQhXKfx-py7Ftss3ydOGzy0TERlZ1mcK-HuYNz-9sp358w_UFWJ7drn7zTm0l3Q0B-aaes2o2C13b9mhUzpaNm-f7LoT6lsnEq0ZoAPDRo1Kvq_P6HKY/s1600/TonyBlair_and_actor_who_played_him_v01.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 268px; height: 280px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjst4tVD0o2-mxqSNXnqxddi1rBQhXKfx-py7Ftss3ydOGzy0TERlZ1mcK-HuYNz-9sp358w_UFWJ7drn7zTm0l3Q0B-aaes2o2C13b9mhUzpaNm-f7LoT6lsnEq0ZoAPDRo1Kvq_P6HKY/s320/TonyBlair_and_actor_who_played_him_v01.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5512357525237841810" border="0" /></a><br />Gordon and his lovely carer wife were the people's house-keepers. And we all loved them dearly for it, what a fantastic job they did too: keeping the poor dependent on more and more benefits; putting more unfortunate unemployable misfits on the public payroll; giving away the national gold reserves at ridiculous prices to rich bankers; borrowing trillions; forcing northern banks to lend, lend, lend; viciously smearing and attacking any opponent. The deeply passionate Christian side of me looked on and wept at these magnificently generous acts of charidee. Gordon and his carer wife truly deserved a place in heaven, as soon as possible.<br /><br />Sadly though, and I can't go into it in detail, but it was documented in a secret dossier, sadly, Gordon and his carer wife ignored my economic advice and decided to start the Global Credit Warming Crunch.<br /><br />Unfortunately for the world, I was distracted at that time bestriding the global lecture stages, trying to save the world and bring democracee and lucrative speeches to the ears and minds of the generous after dinner circuits of the US of A. As you will see in the secret dossiers that will be made public in 100 years time, I told Gordon and good ol' George W Bush (my ardent admirer and the best US president ever) that the only way to stop the Global Credit Warming Crunch was to borrow more money. Sadly they ignored my advice, even though I was saving Western Civilisation at the time. And we now witness the mess we are in because my advice was ignored.<br /><br />Of course I'm a decent kinda guy, I don't harbour any lasting grudge towards Gordon and his carer wife, they are after all only human and we must indulge them.<br /><br /><br /><b><u>Why I am Not Inhuman</u></b><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmuz0XAB4-kIVOgBC7GnWyIG3nGukE77JoxW-TmWyUjsgeJBrL8tO4C_UPHEKZyYxhnVtm2oySp4pXaPXtUdF3Ky9-_Np3oiFDi6LHY1VCvrF0-c52hH8tCV8AVtToqg4fIT68DcEXkpc/s1600/TonyBlair_outstretched_arms_B_v00.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 224px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmuz0XAB4-kIVOgBC7GnWyIG3nGukE77JoxW-TmWyUjsgeJBrL8tO4C_UPHEKZyYxhnVtm2oySp4pXaPXtUdF3Ky9-_Np3oiFDi6LHY1VCvrF0-c52hH8tCV8AVtToqg4fIT68DcEXkpc/s320/TonyBlair_outstretched_arms_B_v00.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5511868061428840834" border="0" /></a><br />Many confused, and let's be quite frank here, many nasty conservative people accused me of war crimes. Yes it's kinda hard to believe in this age of fantastic education, education, education, but those poor deluded people actually thought my military actions of salvation in Iraq and Afghanistan were wrong.<br /><br />Even my dear, dear friends in MI5 said I was right, I even knighted one of them, lovely John Starlett, for writing a groveling document to say I was right.<br /><br />So, now everyone knows I was right about the war on terror. I should add that if I had still decided to stay in power, we would now also be at war with Iran, Syria, North Korea, Pakistan and Canada, helping to spread democracee.<br /><br />Just think of the unprecedented amounts of happiness and the staggering democracee we could have spread in such wars, think of the Global Credit Warming Crunches that would not have happened, think of the scottish psychopaths that would never have been over promoted.<br /><br />But we are forgiving, we know you are all only too human, the time will come when you beg us to come back to save you. Perhaps some of you could sign this petition to put me in my proper place: www.make_Tony_united-nations_presdient-for_life.com<br /><br /><br /><b><u>The Nightmare for Britain as I had to Resign</u></b><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUdtjPnJ_eoqBAta7W868A-pCj7gpfu2jmi_Nf46kcPgQvVr6QpuzhEFaAioiUTImQ2SOKZkAzuBN7I0q3lyxag_ZckWfQTdECmdcLZGgMFi6Dga8emzzjfosROlcL_U2PDHqjEpJ0eCM/s1600/TonyBlair_with_gadaffee_468x360_v00.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 246px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUdtjPnJ_eoqBAta7W868A-pCj7gpfu2jmi_Nf46kcPgQvVr6QpuzhEFaAioiUTImQ2SOKZkAzuBN7I0q3lyxag_ZckWfQTdECmdcLZGgMFi6Dga8emzzjfosROlcL_U2PDHqjEpJ0eCM/s320/TonyBlair_with_gadaffee_468x360_v00.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5512359410043466178" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Just as Christ, lovely guy by the way, I've read all his books, just as He had to face his Calvary, so too did I have to face my own Pharisees who gave their 40 pieces of silver to crucify Me the only saviour of the World.<br /><br />Yes, even though the whole nation loved me as their people's Prime Minister, I had to leave. For reasons of security, you must trust me on this , for reasons of serious national security I cannot reveal why I was wonderful and why I left so suddenly and why I should have stayed in power for life, but let's just say this: I should not have left but I did.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHgqZkrPsfuBQ1LPU_gVIRFTSrgktUaPPrmAQWnhhg-Vczk_tRM79yDeAnqutHoSemqa3r760zyzKe7CSuB80VSjS25KltV4M4P35RBTwy-kCoEG5WovuuveXJrOSsaTQQYTo2dWRughA/s1600/Mugabe_and_Blair_v00.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 218px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHgqZkrPsfuBQ1LPU_gVIRFTSrgktUaPPrmAQWnhhg-Vczk_tRM79yDeAnqutHoSemqa3r760zyzKe7CSuB80VSjS25KltV4M4P35RBTwy-kCoEG5WovuuveXJrOSsaTQQYTo2dWRughA/s320/Mugabe_and_Blair_v00.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5512359399505758818" border="0" /></a><br />Yes, this tragedy, in an all too biblical way, saw me being denied the chance to profit from more years of leading the free world (and freebies for Cherry!). So sadly we had to downgrade to a little multi-million dollar mansion in the Arabian quarter of London and live our modest lives.<br /><br /><br /><b><u>My Enduring Legacee</u></b><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQlnFo-5VmQ8LQM4ta5f2ma89IT6XUc7wv9p3frVoN1IfrHea09Sm2N4aB4X9iYuIEFwTyjA3cMf-no4YjdYApycp4pD34oeMPpXJhiwkoG0fLhmMS9f-0RaxYI3x3WpQc7i0AzDUYt-8/s1600/TonyBlair_with_bush_chirac_kanaan_v02.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 210px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQlnFo-5VmQ8LQM4ta5f2ma89IT6XUc7wv9p3frVoN1IfrHea09Sm2N4aB4X9iYuIEFwTyjA3cMf-no4YjdYApycp4pD34oeMPpXJhiwkoG0fLhmMS9f-0RaxYI3x3WpQc7i0AzDUYt-8/s320/TonyBlair_with_bush_chirac_kanaan_v02.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5512357551722824658" border="0" /></a><br />Historians will write of my leadership as being fantastically better than Churchill's but they will only do this when they read the secret dossiers that Alleystare Campbell wrote and which, for national security reasons, will only be revealed in 100 years time.<br /><br />Another part of my legacy to you wonderful discerning people is this, and I can't emphasise it more strongly, it is this: I Was Right, I Was Wonderful and I Will be Missed.<br /><br />This has been Anthony Blair writing to you, you have been a lovely reader, you deserve the best, buy more copies of my book for your other houses. All proceeds go to mine and Cherry's favourite charidees. Some proceeds may go to families of soldiers I helped kill but Cherry is still making up her wonderful mind on that. She is a loving, selfless human being and she will do for the soldiers what I did for the Unided Kingderm. Mwah, luv ya, byeee.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1K9uckK0htZSl1ncvlvCuBr__OmMAW_Ew644JELrz0gY6yHIP4W2nW6Y9V0K9DP6EkZBwjbUz4nD8iCTYoSI2rQAZiE9Cr35Or3kYbZC0qUS6YWdUY2447ZP8lkKmz_SjbiW1Y3_e6AI/s1600/TonyBlair_smarmy_grin_300x410.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 234px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1K9uckK0htZSl1ncvlvCuBr__OmMAW_Ew644JELrz0gY6yHIP4W2nW6Y9V0K9DP6EkZBwjbUz4nD8iCTYoSI2rQAZiE9Cr35Or3kYbZC0qUS6YWdUY2447ZP8lkKmz_SjbiW1Y3_e6AI/s320/TonyBlair_smarmy_grin_300x410.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5512357539351564946" border="0" /></a>Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-43848392006925715912010-07-14T15:28:00.017+01:002010-07-15T09:22:27.320+01:00WHERE ARE THEY NOW? - No. 271 - Dame Petey Mandyslime of Goy<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh97v1tHnl0eKPR7HY5_DRjb8d_8-uD9l-O4FmuU1iZ7hM6A3jMoVhTdmNX09pyCiBH-kRAlEUjxtmUfuNRdHUB2Znc5ZuCqRX6MAwwF8tobURDfOBjZ8lSOAwzZiR_s4JhQXyA0iNoGSI/s1600/Panto_Dame_Pink_600x400_mandy.bmp"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 528px; height: 374px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh97v1tHnl0eKPR7HY5_DRjb8d_8-uD9l-O4FmuU1iZ7hM6A3jMoVhTdmNX09pyCiBH-kRAlEUjxtmUfuNRdHUB2Znc5ZuCqRX6MAwwF8tobURDfOBjZ8lSOAwzZiR_s4JhQXyA0iNoGSI/s1600/Panto_Dame_Pink_600x400_mandy.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5493769440914701218" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><i>Another fascinating article in our series of short hackiographies of the faded stars of yesteryear who have been absent from the public eye.</i><br /><br />Dame Petey Mandelslime of Goy was a consistently unpopular pantomime Dame who trod the stage in many third rate shows and risqué revues in Britain and on the continental circuits; she hogged the limelight for decades in an attempt to perfect her act but ended up only being remembered for her sinister sliminess and her jumbo-sized fibs.<br /><br />Born to an undistinguished panto family, her birth name was Peter Mandelson, Petey spent many years learning her stagecraft from masters of the unsubtle and moronic performances that were the mainstay of Lefty Gang pantomime shows. She was brought up during the hey-day of Lefty Gang stage shows and was fascinated by the leading acts of the day such as KGB employee, <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/1995/02/20/world/book-links-former-british-labor-party-chief-to-kgb.html">Micko Foot</a> and his infamous <a href="http://www.channel4.com/news/articles/politics/domestic_politics/aposthe+longest+suicide+note+in+historyapos/3568212">"Doddering Useless Leader"</a> act and Big Jimbo Callaghan with his superb <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1239283/Winter-Discontent-led-Callaghan-brink-calling-Army.html">"Winter of Discontent" and "Wot Crisis?"</a> stand-up routines and the ever unpopular Kneel Kinnock who wowed audiences with many classic routines like the <a href="http://www.lbc.co.uk/neil-kinnock-falls-over-in-the-sea-23430">Brighton Beach Splash-In</a> and his <a href="http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/andrewporter/9403287/Revealed_Neil_Kinnock_thought_he_was_Johnny_Cash_at_Sheffield_Rally/">"We're oooowwwwriiiiight!"</a> catchphrase (<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TOgB3Smvro">also here</a>).<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_Z36JB2b37LK6JqnAEPOtRly3xovII5A80vtRcjwmak3q-uem8_Jhcy_SYEJpg1KKCZmE9iMv5X72prYOiOqzyDx4vbXaMIiVIFyxG-bclaAy3weVnfWvR3JXElg5noumGEP67hwGWP0/s1600/Kinnock_Foot_Callaghan.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 203px; height: 152px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_Z36JB2b37LK6JqnAEPOtRly3xovII5A80vtRcjwmak3q-uem8_Jhcy_SYEJpg1KKCZmE9iMv5X72prYOiOqzyDx4vbXaMIiVIFyxG-bclaAy3weVnfWvR3JXElg5noumGEP67hwGWP0/s320/Kinnock_Foot_Callaghan.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5493771838747601042" border="0" /></a><br /><i>An inspiration - Famous performers Kinnock, Foot and Callaghan in their prime at a panto festival at Blogthorpe in 1950</i><br /><br />Despite learning from such accomplished clowns and fools, Mandybum never achieved the faint popularity that seemed to come so easily to her predecessors. Although she worked very hard to perfect her trademark act with the clever twisting of truths, the athletic back-stabbing and her unsurpassed ability to ooze slime, she was always the last act at the bottom of the bill. <br /><br /><b>Backroom Party Wonk</b><br />Constant failure prompted Petey to relaunch her act many times. She first tried to perfect the "Backroom Party Wonk" act in the 1990s where she would slide in unnoticed through back entrances at political meetings and attempt to persuade politicians to do what was wrong. But disaster struck when two of her on-off boyfriends, Tone Blair and Gordo Brown fell out over her two-facedness. They feuded and sulked for over a decade, dragging other Lefty Gang panto performers into a barely-suppressed civil war.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8M5OH4B1S8UCpxeNWugFgQiSunLbVm3x6SzoiPyf2dEOghnzsC5kGahdqqumS0idNzU9SX7mWNGP-hXA8YmoPMC6fKyI6gIYd5p9ZBlAgUG9_Aux8KrtGTm4x1Cu6xjZYcrFhtIqfy3s/s1600/Panto_Dame_YellowPink_300x400_Mandy.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8M5OH4B1S8UCpxeNWugFgQiSunLbVm3x6SzoiPyf2dEOghnzsC5kGahdqqumS0idNzU9SX7mWNGP-hXA8YmoPMC6fKyI6gIYd5p9ZBlAgUG9_Aux8KrtGTm4x1Cu6xjZYcrFhtIqfy3s/s320/Panto_Dame_YellowPink_300x400_Mandy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5493771849629440914" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><b>1992 to 2004 - Grand Old Labour MP from Oop North</b><br />Petey tried to perfect another stage act as "Grand Old Labour MP from Oop North" but this failed to get the electorate's interest and, to be frank, she was very unconvincing as she pranced around the Hartlepool Hippodrome trying to entertain northern labourers in the matinee performances.<br /><br /><b>1997 to 1998 - Camp Cabinetier</b><br />In 1997, Tone Blair won the exclusive franchise rights for running all pantomime shows in Britain. Mandelslime was rewarded by Tone for her long years of subterfuge and spin by being given a part in the "Camp Cabinet" show. However she continued to indulge in her weakness for blatantly hurling sharp objects into innocent people's backs and was witnessed at the scene of the particular violent drive-by back stabbing of famous cancer sufferer, the saintly Mo Mowlem.<br /><br />As the panto season progressed, Petey gained fewer friends and more enemies in the Lefty Gang show and she was eventually sacked by Tone for telling more porkies. It became known that she had lied to a Building Society in order to purchase a glamour bachelorette pad to entertain her gentlemen friends. However she failed to tell them that she had received a "loan" from a nice friendly old businessman, a Mr Robinson, in exchange for secret favours. Petey was very unrepentant but was forced to leave the "Cabinet" show by Gordo's friends.<br /><br /><b>1999 to 2001 - Ulster Queen</b><br />Petey spent many months in the wilderness and was desperate to try another act. Then, willing as ever, her old flame Tone gave her one. She tried for a few performances touring Ulster in her "Irish Secretary" act. During this time she became very friendly with some charming exotic gentlemen from the East, the Hinduja Brothers, who plied her with money and charms. She foolishly gave the gentlemen some VIP passes which was strictly against the house rules and when she tried to lie her way out, Tone had to reluctantly cancel her act again.<br /><br /><b>2001 to 2004 - More Wilderness Years at Camp Mandy</b><br />There followed a protracted period where no Lefty Gang shows had any openings for Petey. No matter how desperately she tried to get into any openings, the twice-disgraced Dame would be given the bum's rush at every attempt.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpai5ppGfFgVikSW3GEfRlVLs4n-ndu08X9eMyewSfTRI_kBBjYvJnydIBMzJ-fdQSAEp_9BCwbVZG6tqNZ0WNQYps3UBXcJa6wgDrLnkn1Jxxvb3J_Gu5VwePA5jS01cmXkh-ELU2uOg/s1600/Panto_Dame_Cream_300x600_mandy.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 190px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpai5ppGfFgVikSW3GEfRlVLs4n-ndu08X9eMyewSfTRI_kBBjYvJnydIBMzJ-fdQSAEp_9BCwbVZG6tqNZ0WNQYps3UBXcJa6wgDrLnkn1Jxxvb3J_Gu5VwePA5jS01cmXkh-ELU2uOg/s320/Panto_Dame_Cream_300x600_mandy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5493771844220337282" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><b>2004 to 2008 - Lord High Continental Panjandrum</b><br />Eventually she cadged another favour from her old flame, Tone Blair, who found an attractive, well oiled opening for her in Brussels. She became a high ranking star in the lucrative, long running Euro Panto where she played the Lord High Continental Panjandrum and obtained the odd chuckle from audiences when she pretended to do trade negotiations about bras and ladies' shoes with the Chinese. During this time she met a new boyfriend from Brazil and they shared a glamorous apartment in the fashionable Fagguettes area of Brussels.<br /><br />Although she and her boyfriend became astoundingly rich from this gig, she still longed for the traditional betrayal, thuggery, blackmail and nastiness of the good old Lefty Gang Panto in the West-mincer Palais. She often remarked on how she missed the exotic costumes, the stars in their eyes, the treachery in their hearts, the blackness of their souls and the daggers in their backs.<br /><br />After many years enjoying an exclusive, luxurious lifestyle that most normals would prostitute themselves for, Petey moved back to London, hoping that one of her old flames might give her another opening to fill.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidcIWoJtaja5MpDWYEA1xgmES8Fvx7JqnFpfhgO8Lkpt-qB5Wb1Vt-Y-VUtKMtADTWr4wsGe6JmCG68nUepw5OTXZD_n_ity5fmEwFf_Pg8cZ9kbKOmyMQn6eWHQZcXkgPg92sYp-ZntM/s1600/Panto_Dame_Blue_300x400_mandy.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 267px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidcIWoJtaja5MpDWYEA1xgmES8Fvx7JqnFpfhgO8Lkpt-qB5Wb1Vt-Y-VUtKMtADTWr4wsGe6JmCG68nUepw5OTXZD_n_ity5fmEwFf_Pg8cZ9kbKOmyMQn6eWHQZcXkgPg92sYp-ZntM/s320/Panto_Dame_Blue_300x400_mandy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5493773483235357842" border="0" /></a><br /><b>2009 - Exalted Supreme Nabob of all the Known Universe</b><br />As bad luck would have it, her old on-off beau, Gordo, who had taken over the management of the Lefty Gang show, was having various relationship problems and he had a gap that desperately needed filling, so he summoned Petey for an intimate chat. As a result, Petey was given the main billing at the West-mincer Palais in her most prominent and slimy act to date; she was given the huge role of "<i>First Secretary of State, Lord President of the Council and Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills</i>". Many objected to Petey being given this high honour when the audience hadn't even voted for her. But with her typical air of entitlement and disdain for "democracy" she continued in her slimy act with not a care for anyone.<br /><br />This was the pinnacle of Petey's career and she played the role with all the over-the-top ham acting, smugness and campiness she could muster. She became a household name in all media and West-mincer Bubble households while the rest of the country continued to suffer huge tax rises, falling standards and shouted obscenities and threw things at her.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN9XTjE9CU9MsIdBuzzncr1h8QycMj0eWHNe7i4qxRxBB_DTbT10cx2j2-iFjzv44OFPRQs6_JRBgHV1S4GuW9yeH_tfPXTYg7ffd8_VLbYJ7j0DzulvTJoNYcFL0-X0reoJVJ5j9V9SE/s1600/Mandelson_Green_Custard_800x600_v02.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 273px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN9XTjE9CU9MsIdBuzzncr1h8QycMj0eWHNe7i4qxRxBB_DTbT10cx2j2-iFjzv44OFPRQs6_JRBgHV1S4GuW9yeH_tfPXTYg7ffd8_VLbYJ7j0DzulvTJoNYcFL0-X0reoJVJ5j9V9SE/s320/Mandelson_Green_Custard_800x600_v02.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5493795054657254642" border="0" /></a><br /><b>2010 - Careering to a Slimy End</b><br />Petey and the other members of the Lefty Gang show suffered bad reviews and falling audience numbers. Eventually, to everyone's relief, the Lefty Gang show was cancelled in May 2010. As she packed her carpet bags to leave the West-mincer Palais and gazed once more in her favourite bejewelled mirrors, Petey still felt she could achieve greater fame and, although saddened by yet more cock ups, she still desperately tried to make another comeback. <br /><br />The rival "Lib Con All-Blinging All-Prancing" show had just moved from the shadow theatres to start a short run at the West-mincer Palais. Its main stars, Davo The Cameroon and Niko Klegg became very popular with a few unimaginative journalists. Petey felt some of that stardom should be his and attempted to make indelicate propositions to the unworldy Cameroon. It all ended in embarrassment as Dave Cameroon had to seek a court order to stop Petey stalking him.<br /><br />Cameroon's pretty wife, Sambo was viciously attacked by Petey after a cocktail evening on the terrace bar at the Palais. She suffered many scratches and ended up having to defend herself by grabbing Petey's favourite poodle and throwing it at Petey.<br /><br /><b>Fairy Tale Ending</b><br />As Petey slid into obscurity again, she tried to climb back to fame by having a ghost written book of Lefty Gang fairy tales published. Her ghost writer described strange and sinister goings on in the fabled land of "Future Fair for All", with stories like:<br /> - Gordon the grumpy ogre<br /> - Tony the fairy princess<br /> - Babe Millibands in the wood<br /> - The Golden Goose that sold bullion at a loss<br /> - The government full of Pinnochios whose noses grew longer for 13 years<br /> - 646 little piggies whose house expenses and ACA allowances were blown down by the big bad wolf of West-mincer<br /> - Jack and the Beanstalk. A tale of tiny Jack the voter and Prescott the Giant. Tiny Jack the voter struggled to avoid being squashed or eaten alive by Prescott the Giant who was a large greedy, bad-tempered, stupid, really greedy giant and who amassed too much money and too many large mansions.<br /> - The Faerie Queen. Some reviewers felt this sad tale was the only sincere piece of autobiography in the book.<br /> - The Evil Witch Queen and the Innocent Electorate. Other reviewers disagreed and felt that this tale of dark deeds was the only sincere piece of autobiography in the book.<br /><br />Fortunately only wonks, journalists and obsessives bought this excruciatingly bad book. <br /><br />After this failure, Petey had to content herself by occasionally appearing on Newsnight in that boring discussion bit with has-been performers at the end. She also petitioned the "Womans Hour" producer to do a piece on nail varnish but was told she was too girly for their robust, fat feminist editorial style. <br /><br />Soon after that, Petey died of botox poisoning. Some suspect it was a deliberate act of assassination by one of the estimated 60 million people who hated her. Her funeral was attended by her housekeeper and her poodles.Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-54814768716199335182010-06-11T12:57:00.006+01:002010-06-12T06:06:37.425+01:00THE MARXIST BROTHERS - LEADERSHIP ELECTION<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuVNNgrNkqKmKO44mHhhirhMVib9cGR0nEDztiBuGheP6l7OyrJ_VDyBwRNdr8r6rp6EREz2OfusSOceJPy5zgeO946VedkxTYSXhfKpVG4X-lrc6qTqOT6j7sgITvgZEVgdmAFr_CZD4/s1600/Marx_Bros_A_v06c.bmp"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 252px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuVNNgrNkqKmKO44mHhhirhMVib9cGR0nEDztiBuGheP6l7OyrJ_VDyBwRNdr8r6rp6EREz2OfusSOceJPy5zgeO946VedkxTYSXhfKpVG4X-lrc6qTqOT6j7sgITvgZEVgdmAFr_CZD4/s320/Marx_Bros_A_v06c.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5481745461970692786" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdK51mbtZOwK-D2Mh0XGIS0VX5QwuCMEHLieXutRCWOfazwqMAJ0dWfR-fEXcYWmR4-pbVtC5M-wBqft1I2HqpLM5kfkN47r99c2XE7hiOWl8g5ZE9qW8BVyE4fy18m-PgiY9bxlKeMGs/s1600/Marx_Bros_A_v10.bmp"><br /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">Extract from the "Z to Z Encyclopaedia of Z-List Biographies"</span><br /><br />Hilarious sibling performers who entertained millions with their comical antics.<br /><br />Their parents Tonia Blair and Gordon Brown were brought up in the bleak poverty stricken Old Labour lands and after the (well deserved) "Thatcher" massacres, emigrated to New Labour where they thrived and made it big in the vaudeville theatres of the BBC.<br /><br />Their father Gordon changed his name to Karl Marx and helped nurture their comical ability. In later years, he disappeared into an asylum and was never heard from again.<br /><br />These powerful early influences helped create the zany slapstick entertainers we see today.<br /><br />There were five brothers in the original stage act:<br /><br />Grouchy [né Ed Balls]<br />Harpie [né Diane Twoface Abbott]<br />Cheeko (né Dave Banana Milliband ]<br />Zeppo [né Ed Wonkspeak Milliband]<br />Gummo [né Andy Who Burnham]<br /><br />There was a sixth brother who sadly died in his infancy:<br /><br />Mannie [né John "Arsinator" McDonnell)<br /><br /><br />They became very successful in the 2000's and received rave reviews in their regular Broadway (Shepherds Bush) appearances: "Labour Conference 2005", "Goldiggers of 2006", "Tax'n Spenders 2007" and many more.<br /><br />Most of the public are only aware of the three older brothers Grouchy (Ed Balls), Harpie (Diane Abbott) and Cheeko (Dave Milliband) who went on to greater fame on the screen with their finely tuned routines.<br /><br />Who can forget Cheeko's hilarious and skilled performance with his banana as he gave the impression of someone speaking drivel, like anyone was really interested. Or Grouchy's (Ed Balls) clever use of double-speak as he backtracked on major policies within hours of asserting the complete opposite. And of course Harpie was a favourite, often regarded as the "dumb" one, she later wrote of her angst-ridden times as a parent sending her child to a private school in the best interests of the taxpayer.<br /><br />Cheeko was so-called because of the endearing way he always held his tongue in it. His famous banana act made him the worldwide laughing stock of the day. However his world wide exposure and his delusion of his own popularity almost split the brothers but they were reconciled when he later took pity on Harpie and helped her with her act by sponsoring her in the notorious "Nomination Papers".<br /><br />Harpie (Diane Abbott) was well known as a polished rent-a-quote performer on the Westminster circuit and she could be counted on to opinionate on anything, especially things she knew nothing about. At one time analysts observed that she even made more TV appearances than the "Grand Old Man" of rent-a-gobs, Stephen Pound the Labour MP for Ealing North with his regular afternoon Housewife's Favourites slot on Sky News.<br /><br />Many accused the brothers of "being the same" and some referred to their oxbridgeness but Harpie cleverly differentiated herself from her siblings by showing a carefully crafted hypocrisy, fake Afro-ness and succeeded in becoming loathed for her smug double act with the famous BBC clown Slimy Portillo.<br /><br />The other two brothers, Zeppo (Ed Milliband) and Gummo (Andy Burnham), are hardly recognised by the public these days. They lacked the intense sense of self-worth and rank hypocrisy that set their older brothers in a league of their own.<br /><br />When interviewed recently, Zeppo (Ed Milliband) recounted the many times that people would tell him "A table for two please waiter.". It seemed that the more he desperately sought fame the further it would slip from his grasp.<br /><br />Gummo (Andy Burnham) was even more unknown to the wider electorate. He was frequently frustrated by having to remind political editors that he didn't work for the Cleggo Troupe across the road and was in fact the "Fresh Blood" in the New Labour Act.<br /><br />Even though many have seen their act countless times, the Brothers never fail to raise a laugh or a chuckle. Many DVD compilations are sold of their brilliant performances and will be cherished way into the next few days.<br /><br><br /><br><br /><br><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm25wPD-ZTWF-9UeG6rJ0Uz2JBB3nTcX9-HzzCbZJ_2Xq5AUv0QXGsNiLB9fT39zKPO6pRxutk6rH1YNW8XREm-gxCJrY5YDHRUGKAWuwqz7jK5D5ZLoUPwu9OotIGW_1v22UCyKk35p8/s1600/Balls_Izzard_A_v01.bmp"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 111px; height: 160px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm25wPD-ZTWF-9UeG6rJ0Uz2JBB3nTcX9-HzzCbZJ_2Xq5AUv0QXGsNiLB9fT39zKPO6pRxutk6rH1YNW8XREm-gxCJrY5YDHRUGKAWuwqz7jK5D5ZLoUPwu9OotIGW_1v22UCyKk35p8/s320/Balls_Izzard_A_v01.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5481747439771611458" border="0" /></a><br /><i>Another bad performance - Grouchy Marx worked with a faded cross dressing actress for a while. Both desperately sought attention but were rebuffed by the voters.</i><br /><br><br /><br><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSIJAU7N7ys9cN9Gybrad-vvUFcCO-Nw_p2Ry3Sv3RALfsunXBOQHMNE38gZQ8JkHJTGMyrLr_tBf2xtMihiJ4-9aNYPbWxsekgL3REywMQ_di88wbCfVyNkcVooHL7vlIe4AE-KhBy9g/s1600/Milli_Mandy_Tess_Adonny.bmp"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 160px; height: 130px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSIJAU7N7ys9cN9Gybrad-vvUFcCO-Nw_p2Ry3Sv3RALfsunXBOQHMNE38gZQ8JkHJTGMyrLr_tBf2xtMihiJ4-9aNYPbWxsekgL3REywMQ_di88wbCfVyNkcVooHL7vlIe4AE-KhBy9g/s320/Milli_Mandy_Tess_Adonny.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5481747433863145346" border="0" /></a><br /><i>The Marxist Brothers and relatives on a family outing</i> <br /><br><br /><br><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6ydBlZSDb5jvJHlWKZAxdOzGd3Vu0Rtt8FENiKwJ0TquxSRoM749q_IFnNPLf6YCBvCqB9qHCVFY3JPVLhqjQQAR3Zf1hMpZuL70IH3lsw7Rni9BAgzG6n3KaHFBytNHwyTXiYnNjPb8/s1600/Milli_Dave_Banana_A_v01.bmp"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 160px; height: 106px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6ydBlZSDb5jvJHlWKZAxdOzGd3Vu0Rtt8FENiKwJ0TquxSRoM749q_IFnNPLf6YCBvCqB9qHCVFY3JPVLhqjQQAR3Zf1hMpZuL70IH3lsw7Rni9BAgzG6n3KaHFBytNHwyTXiYnNjPb8/s320/Milli_Dave_Banana_A_v01.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5481747420861233010" border="0" /></a><br /><i>Cheeko's famous "Banana" stage act</i><br /><br>Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-55209462407172163502010-06-02T17:10:00.007+01:002010-06-03T00:00:46.834+01:00HISTORY IN THE MAKING Pt1 - The First Coalition Prime Minister's Questions<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsBykoiBcR5sdnH9aVHm7Vb6EO1fAhDIixzbU86XOKJrZoL13OvMYGDOYOqtTqbH3C3g02CFu5qDILeQTAUPDxndROGOf2t5pt2-GJGRR4gtSA2V_JsADx0n0povovx7MlSmHjY-A6GHY/s1600/Cam_Clegg_Despatch_Box_v03.bmp"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 450px; height: 256px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsBykoiBcR5sdnH9aVHm7Vb6EO1fAhDIixzbU86XOKJrZoL13OvMYGDOYOqtTqbH3C3g02CFu5qDILeQTAUPDxndROGOf2t5pt2-GJGRR4gtSA2V_JsADx0n0povovx7MlSmHjY-A6GHY/s320/Cam_Clegg_Despatch_Box_v03.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5478310225248947042" /></a><br />The following is an approximate transcript from today's Prime Minister's questions. It is the first PMQs held by the Cami-Knicker Coalition:<br /><br />SNEAKER BERCOW - Order, order. The Prime Minister.<br /><br />CAMERON - Mr Sneaker, before I answer any questions, I ask that the house pay their respects to the following who lost so much in enemy actions since the last parliament:<br /><br /> Jacquie Smiff, Third Warwickshire Troughers<br /> Alistair Darling, Fifth House Flippers,<br /> Elliot Morley, Royal Welching Fake Mortgagees<br /> David Chaytor, Coldstream Blackguards<br /> Hazel Blears, CGT Avoidance Regiment<br /> Baronness Uddin, Royal Expense Engineers and Fabricators<br /> Lord Truscott, East Anglian Corrupt Scumbags<br /> Margaret Moran, Southampton Phantom Homemakers <br /> Douglas Hogg, Honourable Moat Squadron,<br /> Diddy Alan Duncan, Household Gardening Division (Uphill)<br /> Davd Cameron, Wisteria and Second Home Spongers<br /> Nick Clegg, Light Footed Hypocrites<br /><br /> ... (continues reading from the list of troughers and liars from the Telegraph Book Of Crooked MPs ) <br /> ...<br /><br /> and lastly, David Laws, although spin doctors expect a rapid recovery.<br /><br />SNEAKER BERCOW - Mr Clegg<br /><br />CLEGGY - Will the Prime Minster agree with me that we are all lovely, saintly MPs and that we must encourage more skilled, honest and hardworking people to take up this hard job of ours. Will he therefore agree that this can be achieved by increasing all of our pay and expenses immediately.<br /><br />CAMERON - Mr Sneaker, I quite agree with the honourable gentleman and indeed we are drafting a bill which will double our pay and expenses and also grant us a "Telegraph" bonus to compensate us for the many months of misery caused by that disgraceful newspaper. The Coalition cabinet feel that such a move would boost morale throughout the country, especially amongst the honest, hardworking taxpayers.<br /><br />BERCOW - Mr Laws.<br /><br />LAWS - Can I have my job back yet?<br /><br />CLEGGY - No. I have a huge repsect for my extremely honourable friend, who is well regarded for his huge amounts of integrity and cash. However he must realise that he was caught out good and proper by the Telegraph and so must be seen to be punished in the same way as a taxpayer oik would be.<br /><br />LAWS - Ooh er.<br /><br />BERCOW - Mr Harman.<br /><br />HARMAN - Will the Prime Minister please state how many people of a lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, blairosexual and prescott-asexual nature have been appointed to his new cabinet?<br /><br />CAMERON - We are certain that the numbers of such people are along the same lines as her own previous cabinet. The honourable lady need not fear that we will let any normal people into the cabinet. Why, just last week we took extra measures to appoint more public school and oxbridge MPs to the cabinet, most of whom fall into the categories you mentioned. <br /><br />The honourable lady will also be pleased to hear that we will refuse to appoint any of those ghastly oiks from grammar schools or who have exposure to life outside of politics.<br /><br />HARMAN - That is good news, thank you Prime Minister.<br /><br />BERCOW - Mr Laws.<br /><br />LAWS - Can I have my job back yet, pretty pleeeease?<br /><br />CLEGGY - No. My honourable friend must realise that the gay mafia are still screaming about homophobia. Letting you back in now will only give the voters the jitters about there being a gay mafia, so we must wait a for a considerable period of time before making such a decision.<br /><br />LAWS - Oh.<br /><br />SNEAKER BERCOW - Mr Milliband<br /><br />ED AND DAVE - Blah blah blah wonkspeak blah blah fnnaar blah blah fzzzzz msssssss jjjjjjjjjj blah blah shshshgggg jjjjl blah blah blah blah and furthermore, blah blah wonkspeak blah blah fnnaar blah blah fzzzzz msssssss jjjjjjjjjj blah blah shshshgggg jjjjl blah blah blah blah.<br /><br />CAMERON - Mr Sneaker, the honourable gentlemen do not know what they are saying, and neither do we.<br /><br />SNEAKER BERCOW - Mr Corbyn.<br /><br />CORBYN - Will my fellow socialists in the tory and lib dem benches opposite join me in furiously denouncing all of the fascist bigots who hold outrageous mild views on immigration.<br /><br />CAMERON - Mr Sneaker it is well known that normal people throughout this country harbour sickeningly mild views against mass immigration and they just show how out of touch they are with the reality in the Westminster bubble. All of us in the House must have watched in horror as our poor ex-Prime Minister was ambushed by that monstrous bigot Gillian Duffy with her appalling common attitudes.<br /><br />I ask that all in the House join me in expressing our deepest sympathy to Gordon Brown. <br /><br />We do propose to stamp out this vile thinking by introducing the following measures:<br />- by increasing Nulabour's mass immigration quotas <br />- by making more jobs unavailable to those already born here<br />- by banning use of he word "immigration" outside Westminster and making it punishable under the anti-terror acts.<br /><br />CORBYN - Praise Lenin, thank you comrade.<br /><br />LAWS - Can I have my job back yet?<br /><br />CLEGGY - No, a decent period of reflection must be undertaken before such a move would be acceptable. Will lunchtime tomorrow be OK?<br /><br />LAWS - Yep, suits me squire.<br /><br />BERCOW - Mr Darling.<br /><br />DARLING - Thank you Mr Sneaker. Will the new Prime Minister please join me in thanking the last chancellor who, between 2008 and 2010, showed great courage, ingenuity, forsight and dedication in creating the world's most successful economy. <br /><br />CAMERON - Mr Sneaker, the honourable gentleman implemented some disastrous and comical economic policies. We applaud his work in this area and, as he will see, we propose continuing his ruinous policies and we will implement tiny cosmetic adjustments that will continue to increase our debt by £150 billion per year.<br /><br />DARLING - Brilliant, thank you.<br /><br />CAMERON - Darling, do you fancy coming round to No.10 for drinks later?<br /><br />DARLING - Why, Prime Minister, yes I'd be delighted.<br /><br />CAMERON - No, not you! I was talking to Cleggy.Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-86234921432527804892010-05-29T13:57:00.011+01:002010-06-02T17:10:40.895+01:00Westminster gay couple convicted over £40,000 fraud<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3eRgbvgZJ39X5mnUNOKce7KMG7ErxFJ0cQ-TT2QFQYud-YnFert2xodtjmw0Cusp2gzEca8c_6TxqxFheYbms9Fs-gC5AyCl5uxvJo8v6FDlNUJp4yKTUk5cGuhw5tztsU9AlHlQkXfQ/s1600/judge_jails_cameron_and_clegg_v03.bmp"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 271px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3eRgbvgZJ39X5mnUNOKce7KMG7ErxFJ0cQ-TT2QFQYud-YnFert2xodtjmw0Cusp2gzEca8c_6TxqxFheYbms9Fs-gC5AyCl5uxvJo8v6FDlNUJp4yKTUk5cGuhw5tztsU9AlHlQkXfQ/s320/judge_jails_cameron_and_clegg_v03.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5476675925188671602" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:65%;">Original photo: Hat Tip to <a href="http://dizzythinks.net/2010/05/great-editing-of-our-time.html">Dizzy</a>, who got it from @TimMontgomerie, who got it from @Marthakearney, who got it from here: http://img31.imageshack.us/img31/2613/sczm.jpg</span><br /><br />Infamous "lovers' nest" fraudsters Dave Cameron and Nickers Clegg were jailed today at the Central Criminal Court at the Old Saimey for their "astounding" series of frauds and daylight robberies on taxpayers. <br /><br />The senior detective from the investigation team said "When you add up their long list of crimes such as letting Nobby Brown run his Downing St gang for 13 years unhindered, running a protection racket with the EU syndicate and, worst of all, letting that buffoon Prescott into the Lords, it could cost each taxpayer upto the tune of £40,000 a year."<br /><br />The gay couple were unrepentant as they took many photo calls in their publicity stunts. It is suspected that they may be part of the sinister "Westminster ring" of crooks who detectives say could number upto 650 and are known to be lying, hypocritical bastards.<br /><br />Democracy campaigner Robert Mugabe said this kind of thing is disgraceful and that they should learn lessons in good governance and accountability from beacons of integrity like Zimbabwe and Afghanistan.<br /><br />In the summing up, Lord Chief Justice Cherie Blair said "it is not clear which one of you was on top but it is quite clear: neither of you is above the Laws".<br /><br />David Laws' boyfriend was unavailable for comment today.Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-4486170332676777492010-05-28T12:45:00.007+01:002010-05-28T15:12:03.958+01:00Cami-Knicker Coalition<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9yFi9MS2Ua47DhJvKADMgaLAPnrACen8n6YGZQXM6c4OKtBDxpUvvsO80G0_FkSSkXrIgwuI34nkaRCQiVGIO-fBsJUaLeb7fhrMihd8VT_iWGinNtKyS_xJpCYUV026hSFv9hHpSHNQ/s320/vs_cami_knicker_set.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 123px; height: 120px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9yFi9MS2Ua47DhJvKADMgaLAPnrACen8n6YGZQXM6c4OKtBDxpUvvsO80G0_FkSSkXrIgwuI34nkaRCQiVGIO-fBsJUaLeb7fhrMihd8VT_iWGinNtKyS_xJpCYUV026hSFv9hHpSHNQ/s320/vs_cami_knicker_set.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5476286630078795106" border="0" /></a>The Cameron/Nick coalition sounds like and has many similarities to cami-knickers:<br /><ul><li>Soft</li><li>Silky</li><li>Frilly<br /></li><li>Smooth</li><li>Easily torn</li><li>Made for tarts</li><li>Full of tarts</li><li>Barely cover unmentionables</li><li>Impractical for normal use</li><li>Very expensive for what they are</li><li>Contribute to those involved getting shafted<br /></li></ul><br />Although I wish the Cami-Knickers well for the benefit of the country, it doesn't look good when we realise how <a href="http://conservativehome.blogs.com/thetorydiary/2010/05/cameron-is-deliberately-using-the-alliance-with-the-liberal-democrats-to-reduce-the-power-of-the-con.html">cheaply </a>Cameron has sold my ex-party's right-of-centre principles to the first manipulative opportunist he met.<br /><br />I hope I'm wrong, for all our sakes.Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-90877463128039002272010-05-21T13:25:00.002+01:002010-05-21T13:29:57.406+01:00Scientists Create New Artificial Life Form "Cameronis-Upcleggarse"<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr9C2LawVfyo6yjVaZ8aKavVgzBi0t5NMyQA9Hho-Bv6f7ZFZ9FxrP7BTcZF1j_skPhL8ulVEZAFN5qsF6zdmoZJiAjd6YVS0TiiRt_m9Dbg4PfCQt0eYU3YdAkcIa2XXPlOIVlpDTCYE/s1600/Clegg_Cameron_petri_dish_mould_v01.bmp"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 286px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr9C2LawVfyo6yjVaZ8aKavVgzBi0t5NMyQA9Hho-Bv6f7ZFZ9FxrP7BTcZF1j_skPhL8ulVEZAFN5qsF6zdmoZJiAjd6YVS0TiiRt_m9Dbg4PfCQt0eYU3YdAkcIa2XXPlOIVlpDTCYE/s320/Clegg_Cameron_petri_dish_mould_v01.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5473698696271829842" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">20 May 2010 - From our dumbed-down-science correspondent</span><br /><br />The world of Political Science was in turmoil yesterday as researchers announced that they have created a new artificial political life form in a politically clean environment in the famous Coalition laboratories in Downing Street.<br /><br />Analysts speculate that this revolutionary organism could be an invaluable tool in the fight by politicians against unpleasant diseases like democracy, accountability and popular sentiment.<br /><br />The ingenuity of the scientists was revealed in a press conference where senior political scientist Dr Mandelslime described how his team had created this new life-form, called "Cameronis-Upcleggarse".<br /><br />Scientists created the new slimy mold by sucking out and throwing away the nucleus of the common Conservatii organism and replacing it with the DNA from the rabid Yellow Libdemionis bacterium. The resulting cells responded poorly to various electoral tests such as manifesto commitments, but scientists hope they can manipulate the public into thinking this new form of life is a "Stable and Secure" government.Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4314461246372237488.post-78004859685756078312010-05-17T22:05:00.006+01:002010-05-21T16:48:32.438+01:00What Mugs!<a style="font-family: arial;" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSD2EYAPWjU3zj8aK9EsagJOklslomnOJDStZowSJz7t8ZkHjWhgdKlJo0MvSU22qg4p7AJ354PBx8HGWyq87NhKMxP-k0-00j4P5ElR9he9UGxC7d3ry-FY4Jx950S3E1h00Y-azn7nU/s1600/Gordon_Brown_Mug_Advert_v06.bmp"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 480px; height: 381px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSD2EYAPWjU3zj8aK9EsagJOklslomnOJDStZowSJz7t8ZkHjWhgdKlJo0MvSU22qg4p7AJ354PBx8HGWyq87NhKMxP-k0-00j4P5ElR9he9UGxC7d3ry-FY4Jx950S3E1h00Y-azn7nU/s1600/Gordon_Brown_Mug_Advert_v06.bmp" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5473709836381649634" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">Many thanks to </span><a style="font-family: arial;" href="http://www.annaraccoon.com/politics/pass-the-sick-bag-alice/">Anna Raccoon</a><span style="font-family: arial;"> and </span><a style="font-family: arial;" href="http://ciarang.com/">Ciaran </a><span style="font-family: arial;">for alerting us to some truly horrific choices in chinaware.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">A Clegg/Cammy Coalition commemorative mug is on sale here:</span><br /><a style="font-family: arial;" href="http://www.peterjoneschina.com/products/products.asp?pid=2916&largeimage=1&i=">Coalition Tankard - "The Coalition Government - A New Era of Hope"" </a><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">and for heaven only knows what reason, a "Gordon Brown as PM" commemorative mug is on sale here:</span><br /><a style="font-family: arial;" href="http://www.peterjoneschina.com/products/products.asp?pid=2916&largeimage=1&i=">Gordon Brown Mug - "Gordon Brown Prime Minister 27th June 2007"</a><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">Unfortunately the manufacturers seem to have made many errors in their design. I have tried my best with the limited tools at my disposal to correct these defects (being an unemployed scumbag, I only have the basic, free, picture editing software, Microsoft "Paint"). My amateur efforts are shown above.</span>Daedalus X. Parrothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03090829086722692993noreply@blogger.com0